“How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand" is a joke by which awesome-hairdoed comedian?

  • Emo Philips

  • Metal Philips

  • Screamo Philips

  • Post-Hardcore Philips


Three of these jokes are by the late, great Mitch Hedberg, and one is by Demetri Martin. Which is the odd one out?

  • “I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.”

  • “Onions make me sad. A lot of people don’t realise that.”

  • "A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer."

  • "Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, 'I apologise'. Except at a funeral."


Hey, to balance it out, three of these jokes are by Demetri Martin. Which one is by Mitch Hedberg?

  • "If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters."

  • "Another term for balloon is bad breath holder."

  • "When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults."

  • "I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it."


A lot of comedians have two first names instead of a first name and a surname. But which one doesn't exist?

  • Bridget Christie

  • Humphrey Humphrey

  • Trevor Noah

  • Rhys James


What's the correct name of the comedian who said "I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens"?

  • Woody Allen

  • Woddy Alenn

  • Wooddy Alan

  • Would E. Allan


Three of these jokes are by Bec Hill, and one is by Tim Vine. Which is the odd one out?

  • "For Christmas last year I got given Sudoku toilet paper. It's useless. You can only fill it in with number ones and number twos."

  • “I used to think an ocean of soda existed, but it was just a Fanta sea.”

  • “I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg. I said: ‘I bet I know what your favourite Christian festival is.’ He said: ‘You have to love Easter, baby.’”

  • "My brother and his friends spend all of their time floating out at sea. Well, boys will be buoys."


Which of these pairs of comedians isn't a real couple?

  • Stewart Lee and Bridget Christie

  • Jo Brand and Jimmy Cricket

  • Sarah Millican and Gary Delaney

  • Sara Pascoe and John Robins


“You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name… and you’ve never been to that bar before.” What's the correct spelling of the originator of that joke?

  • Zack Galifinakis

  • Zac Galinifakis

  • Zak Galifinikas

  • Zach Galifianakis


Three of these jokes are by Jimmy Carr, and one is by Stephen Wright. Which one?

  • "I went up to the airport information desk and said "How many airports are there in the world?""

  • “I saw a bank that said ‘24 Hour Banking,’ but I don’t have that much time.”

  • "I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed a goat."

  • "My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said “Alright, fatty”."


Three of these maternal jokes are by the late, great Joan Rivers, and one is by the late, great Les Dawson. Which one?

  • “I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, ‘The man goes on top and the woman underneath.’ For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.”

  • "When I was born, my mother asked the doctor, 'Will she live?', and the doctor said, 'Only if you take your foot off her throat'."

  • "I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property'."

  • "I can always tell when my mother-in-law's coming to stay – the mice throw themselves on the traps."


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Oh dear. You're about as funny as Hitler's to-do list.

You live a largely laughter-free life. Watch more Comedy Central.

Great stuff. You know your ha-ha-has from your hee-hee-hees and are probably super fun to be friends with on Facebook.

You know everything. Beautiful work. Your house is filled with shelves of stand-up DVDs and a spotlight lands on you whenever you stand in front of a brick wall. Champion of comedy!