How To Pick Your Ideal Cuffing Buddy As Told By Broad City
Let's be real, singletons - summer? It's over. Finished. Dead as that deflated cocktail-shaped pool float slowly stagnating under your bed.
But you know what that means...
CUFFING SEASON IS OPEN FOR BUSINESS, BABY!
Now, for those of you who clicked the baity link with no concept of what the hell the article was about, then thank you, our strategy is working. But to answer your question, cuffing is the seasonal practice of shacking up with a mate for the winter, so you can enjoy cosy cuddles and copulations from the comfort of your (otherwise) cold bedroom.
You've spent all your summer budget on Tinder dates and 3am booty call Ubers - now it's time to pick a winter winner.
But how do you make this all-important decision? Never fear! The Broad City gals are here to lead the way...
First, make sure they share your values - you don't want to be arguing all winter long
It also helps if they make you laugh
Obviously, you need to be into them
But don't pick your boo on body alone - their personality is probably still trash when the abs fade
Make sure they know what they're doing in the bedroom
But, seriously, there is such a thing as too much kink
Most of all, find someone who treats you like the qween you are
And know that you're worth it
So sit back, smoke a bowl, and make your decision - safe in the knowledge that if you fuck up, spring is only five months away!
You Will Also LOL: All The Stoner Wisdom From Broad City
All The Stoner Wisdom From Broad City
Comedy Central1 of 10
Comedy Central2 of 10
Comedy Central3 of 10
Comedy Central4 of 10
Comedy Central5 of 10
Comedy Central6 of 10
Comedy Central7 of 10
Comedy Central8 of 10
Comedy Central9 of 10
Comedy Central10 of 10
WATCH: Abbi & Ilana's All Time Best Bits
Randy Rainbow Rinses Trump With Hilarious 'Major-General' Parody
"He is the very model of a 'very stable' genius..."
A Giant Statue Of Jeff Goldblum Has Appeared In London And We're So Confused
Can you Goldblum-ieve it?! Sorry...
Twitter Users Name The Goddamn Cringiest Movies They Can't Help But Adore
Pierce Brosnan... singing. Unforgivable.
This Maid Of Honour Stole The Wedding With Her Version Of The Fresh Prince Rap
8 Amazing Facts We Learned From Murr's Reddit AMA
Fame, friends, and romance, ooh la la!
Why 10 Things I Hate About You Is The Best Film Of All Time
Twitter says so. So, there.
UK Summer 2018 Festivals You Don't Want To Miss
We want to visit ALL OF THEM.
Everything We Know About The Impractical Jokers Movie So Far
We want to see it NOW.
The Best Upcoming Animated Films Of 2018 You Don't Want To Miss
Grab your diaries, you NEED to see these.
Friendsfest: Could It BE Any More Amazing?
The answer's no, so it's all a moo point anyway.
These England Vs Colombia Memes Are The Best Bit About The Win
Wait until you see the Friends one...
19 Batshit England Celebrations That Will Literally Make You Sob
IT'S COMING HOOOOOOOME
12 Best World Cup Tweets To Keep You Going
IT'S (probs not) COMING HOME!!!
The 11 Funniest Football Gifs Of All Time
Football crazy, World Cup mad.
Will Smith's Reaction To Philly's Fresh Prince Mural Will Make You #Emosh
In West Philadelphia, born and raised...
Having A Bad Day? Let These Funny Ladies Make You Laugh
These are TOO good.
Zara Released Retro-Style Friends Merch And It's Perfection
So no one told you life was gonna be thi-SLAAAAAAY!
Rose From Titanic Was Based On A Real Woman And She Was WAY Better
Her story is CRAY.
How To Get Your Hands On A Limited Edition SDCC Rick & Morty Plush
People Are Freaking Over Matthew Perry 'The West Wing' Reboot Rumours
Could we BE anymore excited?