17 Times Hipsters Ruined Christmas
Some would argue that it's difficult to ruin Christmas; even if your turkey was burned to a crisp, your dad left your presents on the bus and there was a blackout, you'd still have each other, right?
But those people have never had to endure a Christmas day sat in front of ironic festive bunting, had to drink craft beer instead of mulled wine and been given a mason jar as a gift.
Because sadly, as hipsterdom has arisen over the years, it's leaked into the one thing we thought was safe; Yuletide.
1. Mason jar gifts
The idea seems to be that as long as it's in a mason jar, it's cute.
Weird snow scene made out of plasticine and glitter? Cute. Mixture of spices you probably bought from the supermarket? Cute. A turd? You get the picture.
2. Hideous jumpers
Nothing wrong with a slightly garish festive number, but something that cost £40 from a vintage shop just to look ironically crass? Nah, mate.
3. Brussel sprout juice
The only 'edgy' thing about brussel sprouts should be the fact that half of us love them, and half of us hate them.
Instead, they've been dragged into the world of kale and avocado toast and their innocence tainted.
4. Or any other 'alternative' sprouts
Sprouts with pear, cinnamon and falafel? Give it a rest.
5. Purposefully-ugly decorations
Sure, there's something charming about your gran's tacky olden-day tree decorations.
But baubles in the shape of pizza, rubber ducks and creepy children purposefully mass-produced for the 21st century? No thanks.
6. Christmas pizza
Coming soon- our Natale #christmas pizza served from 1-31 December - turkey breast, roasted red onion & red pepper, Cumberland sausage , cranberry, spinach, sage & onion stuffing , tomato & mozzarella 🍕🎄🍴 #pizza #natalepizza #christmaspizza #turkeypizza #christmasmenu #christmasparty #christmaspartymenu
Why ruin two beautiful foods by having them procreate?
7. Santa's beard
Father Christmas' beard used to be jolly and eccentric in a grandpa-like way.
Now we associate beards with tattoos, flat whites and beard oil that costs a similar amount to a house deposit.
Oh, look, a coffee that tastes nice and comes in a festive red cup.
Oh, wait - apparently that's too 'basic'.
LET US LIVE.
9. Christmas booze
Where mulled wine and bubbly once would have sufficed, the world has been overrun by ironically-tacky craft beer.
10. Absolutely anything with a moustache on it
This applies to times other than Christmas, but especially to Christmas.
11. Anything A, Nordic or B, minimalist
Are you Nordic? No? Then leave us and our multi-coloured tinsel in peace.
Vinyl people: Please just let us have this one thing. You listen to whatever it is on your record player, and we'll be in our rooms listening to Mariah Carey on Spotify.
13. Scented candles
While there were once logical candle scents such as 'pine' and 'cranberry', now there are ones called things like 'white' and 'isolation'.
14. Ironic bunting
Can't we just put up bunting and be proud of it?
15. Alternative Christmas trees
First of all, Christmas cacti FOR THE WIN. Secondly, I'm now 35 weeks into this pregnancy - which leaves about 2-6 weeks before we meet this tiny person! Holy guacamole that is soon. I've been posting more on my personal account during maternity leave, so come join me at @scigitte if you feel so inclined. [Regram from @shopdarlingclementine]
GO TO A GARDEN CENTRE BEFORE WE EXPLODE.
16. Glitter beards
OMFG hipsters are already sporting their Christmas beards as decorations @love.watts love it #hipsters #hipsterchristmas #menswear #menstyle #mensfashion #beardgang #beard #beardlove #adornment #beardyland #beardybear #beardyland #christmas #decoration #toosoon #2015 #seenitall #siliconsurfcoast #futureleaders #bigideastinydetails #mancrushmonday
Glitter's the most important thing about Christmas, so why ruin it by shoving it into your body hair?
17. Holiday snaps
Perhaps you didn't hear: Technology has advanced now. We have digital SLRs and high-quality cameras on our smartphones.
You'd rather have Christmas on Polaroids a few inches big? Oh, good.
YOU NEED TO SEE: A Hipster Nativity
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