24 Very Good Reasons To Never Go To Glastonbury
At the end of June, over 200,000 people will be descending on a field in Somerset to go to Glastonbury. Why 200,000 people would be so ridiculous as to do that is a mystery. A lot of people love Glastonbury, but if you're thinking of going, there's one simple piece of advice: don't.
Just don't. It's not for you. It's not where you need to be. Why's that? Well let us explain.
1. First of all, you’ll never get a ticket, so we don't know what you're worried about really
2. If you try to get a ticket, the website will crash and you’ll pull your hair out
3. If you manage the impossible and get a ticket, you’ll have to shell out over £200 for the pleasure
Thinking #Glastonbury is starting to get quite the expensive festival...I know it's worth every penny but nearly £230 for a ticket is killer
— Martha Hughes (@mhughes02) March 24, 2016
4. The annoying Glastonbury hype begins sometime around March and continues well after the festival finishes
5. In the run up to Glastonbury, you’ll be fervently checking the weather to see whether you’re going to drown or not
6. When the day of Glastonbury arrives, you realise that you probably are going to drown after all
7. If you’re driving down, you’ll be in the car for at least 200 hours
Argh! Traffic on Route 2 in Glastonbury!!! pic.twitter.com/ilVV0Ckrok
— Thom Cordeiro™ (@Thom_Cordeiro) May 24, 2013
8. Then you’ll have to walk for another 200 hours as the car park is MILES away from the festival
9. If you’re getting the train down, you’ll be jammed in like sardines, listening to people bang on about how ‘excited’ they are to see Adele
10. If you’re getting the coach down, well, you’re on a coach. You get what you deserve
11. The queues begin immediately, and they last for 30 HOURS
12. Then you’ll have to walk for ANOTHER 18 hours to find somewhere to camp
13. And then the rain starts
14. Needless to say you’ll be covered in mud and shit (not literally... but maybe) in about 30 minutes
15. Your first trip to the long drops will be a stench to remember
If you'd ever wondered what a Glastonbury long drop looked like...the smell you have to experience yourself pic.twitter.com/ZHlsMcfF4C
— Holmz (@holmz1980) June 26, 2014
16. And that’s at the beginning of the festival, you just wait ‘til Sunday
17. Your favourite bands will inevitably clash with your other favourite bands
18. But Glastonbury is so big that you’ll never actually get to see any of them anyway
19. There are flags all over the Pyramid stage, meaning you won’t get to see shit
— ♕Michael Horsley♕ (@MikeyHorsley) June 29, 2015
Though some are pretty funny, tbf.
20. There is also garbage everywhere, and this is because a handful people at the festival are also garbage
A reveller walks through rubbish left after the Glastonbury Festival in Britain, June 29, 2015-Dylan Martinez/Reuters pic.twitter.com/n4IMXGXcbx
— Karya Setia (@kasetia21) July 1, 2015
21. Waking up with a hangover in a tent will teach you what being a boil-in-the-bag curry feels like
22. If the people in the tent next door’s 10-hour techno DJ set doesn’t keep you up all night, that is
23. Everything costs 10x more than it does in the real world
24. Your feet will hurt, your eyes will hurt, your brain will hurt, everything smells, nothing is clean, the bands are all shite - basically, never go to Glastonbury
LOL JK, Glastonbury is wicked, definitely go
Related: Perfectly Good Things Ruined By Hipsters
Perfectly Good Things Ruined By Hipsters
1 of 24
2 of 24
3 of 24
4 of 24
5 of 24
6 of 24
7 of 24
Imgur8 of 24
Imgur9 of 24
10 of 24
11 of 24
12 of 24
13 of 24
14 of 24
15 of 24
16 of 24
17 of 24
18 of 24
19 of 24
20 of 24
21 of 24
22 of 24
23 of 24
24 of 24
Five Reasons You Need To Go To DragWorld This Month
Gentlemen, start your engines!
This Friends-Inspired 'Pivot' Tutorial Will Change Your Life
25 Super Weird, Crazy Fun Things To Do In London
Come sniff Amy Winehouse's poo. We dare you.
Bryan Cranston Auditioned For Pineapple Express But Judd Apatow Thought He Wasn't Scary Enough
"Maybe the Breaking Bad people would have said, “not him, he always plays drug dealers.”
This Epic Rick & Morty Green Screen Tattoo Will Give You Chills
WHO DID THIS?!
Jennifer Aniston Finally Reveals Which Friend Doesn't Want A Reunion
Who "doesn’t want to be asked that question any more"? FIND OUT HERE!
Quiz: Will You Make It Through Festival Season?
Will you survive through to September?!
Quiz: How Many Festival Cliches Have You Committed?
We've pretty much been there and done all of them…
David Schwimmer To Appear In New Will & Grace As Grace's Bae
Amazing Shows, Gigs And Plays You Can't Miss In 2018
From comedy to cabaret, fill up your calendar...
Actress Who Played Chandler's Dad Felt 'Unwelcomed' By Friends Cast
'Unwelcoming and cliquey'... what?!
It's Time To Revisit This Cringey Windows 95 Video Starring Rachel And Chandler
"Look Matty! I'm computing!"
This Windows 95 Themed Instagram Is The Ultimate Nostalgia-Trip
The Expectation v Reality Of Summer Festivals
What you expect v what you really get at all your favourite summer festivals…
British Festivals v American Festivals: How Do They Compare?
Glasto or Coachella? Creamfields or EDC?
Sketch And Theatre Shows To Catch At The Edinburgh Fringe Festival 2018
Drag queens and quartets and show tunes... oh my!
Primark's Range Of £4 Friends Make Up Bags Is Incredible
Just don't let Ross apply your eyeshadow...
Seth Rogen Shares All The Pineapple Express Gossip 10 Years After The Film's Release
Title origins, injuries and a whole lot of pot...
Die Hard Friends Fans Are Split On Whether A Reunion Should Happen
Reboot means reboot.
Cole Sprouse AKA Ben Geller Is The Same Age As Jennifer Aniston in Friends Series 1, WTF
The One Where We're Old And Decrepit