24 Very Good Reasons To Never Go To Glastonbury
At the end of June, over 200,000 people will be descending on a field in Somerset to go to Glastonbury. Why 200,000 people would be so ridiculous as to do that is a mystery. A lot of people love Glastonbury, but if you're thinking of going, there's one simple piece of advice: don't.
Just don't. It's not for you. It's not where you need to be. Why's that? Well let us explain.
1. First of all, you’ll never get a ticket, so we don't know what you're worried about really
2. If you try to get a ticket, the website will crash and you’ll pull your hair out
3. If you manage the impossible and get a ticket, you’ll have to shell out over £200 for the pleasure
Thinking #Glastonbury is starting to get quite the expensive festival...I know it's worth every penny but nearly £230 for a ticket is killer
— Martha Hughes (@mhughes02) March 24, 2016
4. The annoying Glastonbury hype begins sometime around March and continues well after the festival finishes
5. In the run up to Glastonbury, you’ll be fervently checking the weather to see whether you’re going to drown or not
6. When the day of Glastonbury arrives, you realise that you probably are going to drown after all
7. If you’re driving down, you’ll be in the car for at least 200 hours
Argh! Traffic on Route 2 in Glastonbury!!! pic.twitter.com/ilVV0Ckrok
— Thom Cordeiro™ (@Thom_Cordeiro) May 24, 2013
8. Then you’ll have to walk for another 200 hours as the car park is MILES away from the festival
9. If you’re getting the train down, you’ll be jammed in like sardines, listening to people bang on about how ‘excited’ they are to see Adele
10. If you’re getting the coach down, well, you’re on a coach. You get what you deserve
11. The queues begin immediately, and they last for 30 HOURS
12. Then you’ll have to walk for ANOTHER 18 hours to find somewhere to camp
13. And then the rain starts
14. Needless to say you’ll be covered in mud and shit (not literally... but maybe) in about 30 minutes
15. Your first trip to the long drops will be a stench to remember
If you'd ever wondered what a Glastonbury long drop looked like...the smell you have to experience yourself pic.twitter.com/ZHlsMcfF4C
— Holmz (@holmz1980) June 26, 2014
16. And that’s at the beginning of the festival, you just wait ‘til Sunday
17. Your favourite bands will inevitably clash with your other favourite bands
18. But Glastonbury is so big that you’ll never actually get to see any of them anyway
19. There are flags all over the Pyramid stage, meaning you won’t get to see shit
— ♕Michael Horsley♕ (@MikeyHorsley) June 29, 2015
Though some are pretty funny, tbf.
20. There is also garbage everywhere, and this is because a handful people at the festival are also garbage
A reveller walks through rubbish left after the Glastonbury Festival in Britain, June 29, 2015-Dylan Martinez/Reuters pic.twitter.com/n4IMXGXcbx
— Karya Setia (@kasetia21) July 1, 2015
21. Waking up with a hangover in a tent will teach you what being a boil-in-the-bag curry feels like
22. If the people in the tent next door’s 10-hour techno DJ set doesn’t keep you up all night, that is
23. Everything costs 10x more than it does in the real world
24. Your feet will hurt, your eyes will hurt, your brain will hurt, everything smells, nothing is clean, the bands are all shite - basically, never go to Glastonbury
LOL JK, Glastonbury is wicked, definitely go
Related: Perfectly Good Things Ruined By Hipsters
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