11 Things People With Nut Allergies Are Sick Of Hearing
1. “The magazine?”
Time Inc ceased publication of Nuts in 2014, so even if someone did suffer from a physiological intolerance to that magazine’s particular blend of old-school sexism, underwhelming picture captions and Top Gear screengrabs, they’d be fine now.
2. “Does that mean you can’t eat them?”
Yes. That is literally what it means.
3. “I couldn’t live without peanut butter.”
Yes you could. You’re thinking of water.
4. “So if I show you a Snickers will you die?”
If allergic reactions were triggered by sight, this would be a valid concern.
5. “Do you ever play Russian Roulette with a bag of Revels?”
This joke has been around since the beginning of time. It pre-dates Revels. In fact, Revels were only invented so that this aeons-old joke would finally make sense. And no, nobody’s playing that. Russian Roulette is a horrible game. Have you seen The Deer Hunter? Christ.
6. “Like, your own nuts?”
HA HA HA HA HA IMAGINE BEING ALLERGIC TO YOUR OWN TESTICLES HA HA HA HA HA shut your stupid mouth.
7. “Is a coconut a nut?”
No. Just like a pineapple isn’t an apple, and a monkfish isn’t really a monk.
8. “How allergic are you?”
Allergic enough to kick your arse.
9. “I read a thing that said all allergies are nonsense.”
Let’s see how well you read through two black eyes, shall we?
10. “Good thing you’re not a squirrel! Haha!”
That’s true for most people. In the wild, grey squirrels generally die before they reach six years old. Being a squirrel sucks.
11. “A little bit couldn’t hurt, right?”
No, probably not. It’d be like only eating one spike.
RuPaul Is Set To Star In Comedy Movie Titled Drag Queens On A Plane
Our Monday just got a whole lot better...
SNL’s Dark Spoof Of The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air Theme Song Is Epic
He got in one little fight and we all got scared...
RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars 3 Queens Slayed The Meet The Queens Premiere
Fierce and fabulous.
RuPaul’s All Stars 3 Queens Are Setting The Bar High For This Season
Like, really high. Look at those splits.
Ross Geller Is The Fakest Die Hard Fan, Like Ever
Loves films. Doesn't recognise star of films.
This 'Friends: The Movie' Trailer Has Us SHOOK
Please be real please be real please be real.
Scrubs’ Doctor Cox’s Hate For Hugh Jackman Was Fuelled By Love, Apparently
Will Smith Just Saved YouTube And It’s The Best Thing You'll Watch In 2018
Move over YouTubers, there's a new vlogger in town.
Friends Had Some Very Clear Body Doubles And We Can’t Unsee Them
They don't even look like the cast!
The Apartment Numbers In Friends Changed And You Didn’t Even Notice
4 and 5 or 19 and 20? TELL US THE TRUTH!
Did Monica Geller REALLY Forget Her Own Husband?
These plot holes just keep on coming.
Will Smith Went To The Zoo And Kindly Shared The Experience With Us
Spoiler: He doesn't get bitten.
These Drag Race Stars Have YouTube Shows That You NEED To Be Watching
All we want to do is watch them bake.
It’s Your Last Chance To Enter This Year’s Funny Women Awards
Make us LOL.
Quiz: Which RuPaul’s Drag Race Winner Are You?
When we grow up, we want to be Bianca Del Rio.
What Is RuPaul's All Stars And Why Are We Gagging For Season 3?
Shantay, you stay right there. It's about to get good.
Katherine Ryan Drops Her Top Six Roast Battle Tips
Not to be confused with pot roast.
Quiz: Would You Sacrifice Your Friends To Save Humanity?
RuPaul Is A HUGE Fan Of Broad City And Life Doesn’t Get Better Than This
It's true, this is as good as it gets folks.
Millennials Are LIVING For The Outfits On Friends And We Don’t Blame Them
Rachel Green is forever a fashion icon.