Did Anyone Else Know About The Freddo Ice Cream Cake?
You know Freddo, right? The little chocolate frog that signals the end of civilisation every time it goes up in price, and the discussion of which indicates that the person speaking has completely run out of things to say.
Freddo's a tasty wee bugger; we know him, we love him. He's like a brother to us, a brother we buy at the newsagents and whose body we shove in our gobs and devour. Look at his cheeky, unsuspecting grin.
Yep, that's Freddo alright.
But here's the thing. There's been a major new development in the world of Freddo that, up until now, only a select few have been privvy to. Freddo is not just a choccy bar: he's an ice cream cake.
Yeah, that's right. An ICE CREAM CAKE
Damn, son. Where has this been hiding all our lives? We can answer that for you right away: Australia. So when we say a 'select few' have been privvy to it, we mean around 23 million people, but still.
So what do we know about this mythical cakey being? Well, it's currently on special offer at Coles for A$11 (that's about £5.66), it's described as a "Triple layered Ice Cream cake with real Teeny Freddo Cadbury Dairy Milk milk chocolate pieces", and it may contain peanuts. The ingredients include: Milk, Liquid Sugar (Sugar, Water), Cream, Milk Solids, Maltodextrin (Maize), Emulsif-
JUST SHOW US SOME DAMN PICTURES
So here's what the cake itself looks like.
It's a pastel horror show. None of these colours exist naturally in the present day; they've all been synthesised from 80s swimwear catalogues. And, crucially, there seems to be an entire absence of Freddo himself. For a cake that ostensibly bears his likeness, for a cake that has been chosen to represent Freddo: The Brand, there ain't much of him to be seen.
Here's a more candid shot of the Freddo Ice Cream Cake
I could seriously use a freddo frog ice cream cake right about now. I remember this day fondly ⬆⬆⬆🌟 pic.twitter.com/Hxdsm2CA7e
— Sash (@xklascx) December 14, 2015
Mmm, looks delicious, right? Right? Okay, it looks like Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Birthday Sick, but the Aussies go mad for it. Look:
freddo frog icecream cake reigns supreme in the birthday cake selection
— sophie (@justicenowgrl) April 6, 2016
I want a Freddo ice cream cake soo bad
— Shae ☆: ・ﾟ (@BadlandsShae) February 22, 2016
is it acceptable if i buy a freddo icecream birthday cake and eat it even tho it's not my birthday
— april // 1 day (@runawayshaIsey) January 25, 2016
Freddo ice cream cake. The way to my heart.
— Deklan Van de Straat (@thisisdeklan) September 6, 2015
So clearly it's a taste sensation and a cultural institution down under, but we've got a serious question:
Where is Freddo?
Apparently tiny little versions of Freddo are spread throughout the cake. So tiny, in fact, that you barely ever see any. Just check out these pics and see how many Freddos, large or small, you can see.
Enjoying my freddo frog ice-cream cake :) mmm yum pic.twitter.com/8EaluYWC
— Amanda Barnes (@amanda_jane85) January 27, 2013
Freddo ice cream cake for my birthday pic.twitter.com/PmC0viAaNI
— shannon ⚡️ (@HaroldIgnoresMe) August 8, 2014
Is... is that one there?
WE'RE EATING FREDDO ICE CREAM CAKE YAS pic.twitter.com/g4hsBlYQ3z
— emily (@Jonastralian) June 15, 2014
No way, two?! Someone call Richard Dawkins, turns out there is a god after all
Birthday cake... Ice cream Freddo cake pic.twitter.com/6RD6qW0Hqn
— Becca Stanley (@RybeccaLynchley) October 30, 2013
You get the picture.
To be honest, it's a bit of a con to call this a Freddo cake, given that he barely makes an appearance, and when he does he's reduced to a mere speckle of a presence. These Aussies, they think they can just pluck out our cultural icons, slap them on a crappy cake and sell them by the pound. It's cultural appropriation, a disgrace, if we may say so. But here's the thing...
THERE'S A FREDDO ICE CREAM CAKE
WHY IS THIS NOT A THING IN ENGLAND
— Emma [PB] (@inlovewithjoel) October 28, 2015
Why not indeed? We are the nation that forged Freddo, from British brawn, blood and tears. In the foundries of Cadbury, that glorious global beacon of chocolate perfection that no other country has even come close to competing wi-
Oh, wait. Turns out Freddo was originally an Australian creation that we nicked, so that kind of ruins this whole charade...
...but seriously, remember when Freddos were 10p?
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