Look Upon This Bleak-Ass Food And Feel Great About Yourself
There’s a subreddit called Shitty Food Porn, where users proudly display the bleakest foods they’ve created for themselves.
Stuff like this terribly upsetting Easter mash lamb.
And a regular bakery's attempt at the rainbow bagels that excited the internet last month.
Then there are creations like this open cheeseburger from user nvrnicknvr.
Or these gourmet chicken nuggets from Aaron716.
It’s a mixture of failed ambition, total lack of ambition and occasional culinary genius.
We spoke to the moderators of the forum to find out the secrets of Shitty Food Porn. The manky, manky secrets...
Is there one piece that really sums up for you what Shitty Food Porn is about?
Lolpancakeslol: The bologna cake. It's so unbelievably disgusting and I think it sums up everything quite nicely. Just the thought of having bologna and mayo and whatever the fuck else is in that thing disgusts me so much. Imagine cutting into that thing with a knife? Imagine that strong bologna taste and bologna breath afterwards? God no.
Sauccey: That's the thing. Shitty food porn is such a broad term. It could mean a frozen pizza made to look like something made on Masterchef. But shitty food porn could also mean something that makes you say "That looks pretty bad, but I would eat the shit out of it". Shitty food porn could also mean something that's just straight up foul. There really is nothing specific that makes a good piece of shitty food porn, just as long as you feel bad for the person who produced it (or consumed it).
Are there certain foods that seem to be particular favourites of the Shitty Food Porn community?
Ragnar_OK: I think the community here really enjoys the posts where people attempt to make truly shitty food look like gourmet meals at a restaurant, as exemplified by a lot of our top posts of all time. The No. 1 post of all time is exactly that – chicken nuggets on a bed of microwaved mac'n'cheese served with a shooting star made of ketchup and ranch sauce.
K_Lobstah: My personal favourites are the "tried to make x, here is what actually happened." These tend to do really well, probably because almost anyone who cooks can relate to that failure to make expectations and reality meet in the kitchen. Another popular category is the, "out of money, this is what I have left". The creativity never ceases to amaze me.
What is the most important trait for a really good piece of Shitty Food Porn to have?
Lolpancakeslol: As little effort as possible.
Ragnar_OK: I don't think there's a single trait that needs to be had (except... sadness?) by food to qualify as Genuine Shitty Food Porn. Mostly it's how it looks, but a lot of times it's the idea behind the food that is most disgusting, like deep-fried pizza, pizza topped with pizzas or Subway pasta – just stuff that makes you feel gross if you imagine yourself eating it.
How well do you personally eat?
Lolpancakeslol: I eat pretty well.
K_Lobstah: Not nearly as well as I should or can afford to.
Ragnar_OK: Not very. I've been known to make some pretty damn shitty foods myself.
Has there ever been anything posted that has genuinely turned your stomach?
K_Lobstah: The bologna cake still gives me nightmares. I almost vomited the first time I saw it. Not exaggerating.
Ragnar_OK: Made me sick, no. The closest that anything ever got to that was microwaved wine gums with defrosted spinach and horse meat, but there have been a few posts that genuinely made me sad.
Related: Justin Bieber Food Art That Shouldn't Exist But Does
Justin Bieber Food Art That Shouldn't Exist But Does
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