18 Friends One-Liners To Help You Survive January
1. When your flatmate is talking about Veganuary again
Chandler: “I just realised I can sleep with my eyes open.”
2. When your new personal trainer’s getting a kick out of torturing you
Ross: “Ah. Humour based on my pain.”
3. When you’re explaining the reason behind your New Year’s resolutions
Rachel: “It’s like… all of my life, everyone has always told me, “You’re a shoe!”
4. When your BFF’s half-arsing their New Year’s resolutions
Phoebe: “That’s not running, let’s goooo!”
5. When it was a particularly stressful commute
Chandler: “Someone on the subway licked my neck! LICKED MY NECK!”
6. When your boss asks for your opinion on something before 10am
Chandler: “I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”
7. When you’re feeling particularly sensitive about everything
Joey: “It’s not what you said, it’s the way you said it.”
8. When someone you don’t like asks your mate for your number
Chandler: “Tell him to email me at www-dot-ha-ha-not-so-much-dot-com!”
9. When your flatmate comes in and finds you off the health wagon
Joey: “Well, the fridge broke, so I had to eat everything.”
10. When someone invites you to brunch on Sunday
Chandler: “It’s a Sunday. I don’t move on Sundays.”
11. When someone asks you to leave the house at all
Phoebe: “Oh, I wish I could, but I don’t want to.”
12. When your friend’s got a new job, a new boo and a very non-January outlook on life
Rachel: “I mean, isn’t that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?"
13. When you ditch Dry January after a fortnight
Phoebe: “Sweet Lord! This is what evil must taste like.”
14.When your other half just won’t quit nagging you
Ross: “I am this close to tugging on my testicles again.”
15. When the person you're Tindering asks why you’re on the app
Chandler: “I’m hopeless and awkward and desperate for love!”
16. When you’re sober, skint and miserable af
Rachel: “But today, it’s like there’s rock bottom, then 50 feet of crap, then me.”
17. When someone’s moaning about being sober, skint and miserable af
Monica: “Welcome to the real world! It sucks! You’re gonna love it!”
18. When January 31st finally arrives
Rachel: “And that, my friend, is what they call closure.”
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