16 Ways James Bond Is Shit At His Job
1. His first order of business on any job is to get pissed
Who even orders straight vodka anyway?
2. And then sleep with the first woman he sees
There's no way he doesn't have all the STIs in the world.
3. He always drives drunk
Just get an Uber, dude.
4. And inevitably crashes
Taxpayers' money, up in flames.
5. And the cars he's driving pissed don't exactly blend in
He's meant to be keeping a low profile. He's a spy, for fuck's sake.
6. He bowls about the place in expensive tailor-made suits
That can't be a good choice practically. He'd almost definitely be better off in a practical pair of hiking boots.
7. He tells anyone who will listen his name, immediately
Smoking inside as well, the dirty bastard.
8. To the point where literally every supervillain knows exactly who he is and he always gets captured
They've build specific traps to put him in – that's how inevitable he is to fall into their clutches.
9. He constantly sexually harasses Miss Moneypenny in the workplace
The amount of meetings he must have had with the HR department is staggering.
10. He openly looks at porn in the office
What a filthy filthy fucking pig.
11. He just takes annual leave without booking it off first
Hey James, there's a thing called Google Calendar, yeah?
12. He breaks all the cool gadgets he's given
Q must be absolutely fucking sick of it. James Bond's like that dude who returns your copy of GTA all scratched.
13. No matter what mission he's on...loads of people die
"Just off down the shops." BANG BANG BANG BANG
14. He makes literally no attempt to clean up after himself
We don't inherit the earth from our parents, James, we borrow it from our children.
15. He's not exactly a fucking barrel of laughs
That barely makes any sense, dawg.
16. Worst of all, he’s got no manners at all. He makes the Queen stand up for him, the fucking arrogant tosser
SHE'S AN OLD LADY, JAMES.
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