Nine Types Of People That Are Really Into Labels
Children's TV presenters
The friendly, unthreatening man on the telly can help you learn without even making an effort, as his name is joyously appliquéd across his chest. Edutainment!
1930s political cartoonists
The thing with visual metaphors is, not everyone gets them. If you're making a really clever point about Russia and representing it as a bear, best to write RUSSIA on it just in case nobody understands and they think it's just a funny bear.
There was nothing puritans hated more than adulterers, so they would label them with a giant letter A. A stands for loads of good stuff as well though – Awesome, Amazing, Astonishing, Attractive, Amorous – so it's a stupid idea really.
These days journalists are shady-ass figures lurking in shadows, tapping phone lines and producing poorly thought out listicles, but back in the day they were proud of what they did, going as far as to slap PRESS on their heads.
Doing a robbery is a stressful situation. If it makes things easier to write SWAG on your sack, go for it.
1960s costumed vigilantes
If you really like bats, write BAT on everything. It's fun!
The advertising world is highly regulated, so labels like BRAND X and OTHER BRAND can help people get around those pesky rules. Advertising executives are among the nicest people in the world and need all the help they can get.
The thing is, if a kid is truly thick, they won't even know what their hat says.
ACME product manufacturers and users
An avecidal* coyote has bigger things on his mind than remembering what stuff is. That's why he uses ACME products – they all say what they are. They don't work, always, but other than that, no complaints.
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