The 19 Best Things About London In The Summer
1. Looking at the toucan in London Zoo and pretending you’re in an old Guinness advert.
Also good: befriending a warthog.
2. Wearing shorts and looking at sweating, suited businessmen while experiencing the emotion of <em>schadenfreude</em>.
Also good: spending at least an hour with your arms clamed to your sides to avoid displaying massive, plate-sized sweatpatches then casting your cares aside and .
3. Finding the best possible outfit for Notting Hill Carnival.
Also good: paying two quid to use a stranger's toilet.
4. Realising it’s ten o’clock at night somehow, when you thought it was about eight because it’s still so bright outside.
Also good: nodding off and waking up alone in the park.
5. Having a day when all you do is sit on a blanket someone's nicked off a plane.
Also good: doing this on a Sunday thinking it's a Saturday and missing out on doing loads of stuff you're meant to do.
6. Drinking seven cans of Red Stripe in the park before 4PM and not even feeling bad about it because it’s sunny.
Also good: feeling bad about it but not letting that stop you.
7. Enjoying a film you’ve seen loads of times before in a whole new way by watching it outside or on a roof.
Also good: not being the bastard that shouts every line out.
8. Chuckling at tourists making rudimentary mistakes, like trying to use cash on a bus
Also good: refusing to acknowledge that if you were on holiday and anyone laughed at you you’d be OUTRAGED.
9. Standing by the end of the tube carriage and letting the wind cool you.
Also good: turning up to work with INSANE hair from doing so.
10. Trying to kick a ball back to some dudes in the park but underestimating your own strength and hoofing it halfway to the moon.
Also good: Ballsing it up and losing a shoe.
11. Picknicking and somehow making quite pedestrian food taste amazing with the secret ingredient of outdoorsness (and being slightly drunk). Also lollies.
Also good: getting ice-cream on the end of your nose like a big eejit.
12. Seeing a jogger go through a horse poo.
Also good: enjoying a dog going absolutely apeshit.
13. Taking a speedbump on a Boris bike, doing a quarter-second wheelie and feeling like an absolute badass.
Also good: briefly considering buying a skateboard.
14. Pratting about in a boat.
Also good: befriending a swan.
15. Befriending a swan
Also good: pratting about in a boat.
16. Drinking coconut milk straight out of a coconut on Portobello Road and considering only ever drinking from coconuts from then on.
Also good: finding a cocktail that you claim is "your drink now" and never having one again.
17. Getting a ridiculous tanline on the first good sunny day.
Also good: really committing to hayfever.
18. Spending eleven straight hours in a beer garden working out what you’re going to do with the rest of the day, then going to bed.
Also good: going for a quick wander around to enjoy the sun, and walking the streets all day just taking it all in and being almost aggressively relaxed.
19. Appreciate how the sun can make even the least exciting of views really nice.
Also good: looking off a bridge at the Thames and losing your sunglasses.
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