5 Reasons You Need To Watch Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 This Weekend
There are some things in life that get easier the more you do them: Poaching an egg. Gaining your cat's affection. Memorising what time E4's showing The Big Bang Theory so you can steer way clear.
But how about watching terrible movies?
Sure, we all love watching an awful, abysmal, just downright no good film every once in a while, but could you go back to the same piece of shit every year UNTIL YOU DIE? Well, that's exactly the dark bargain that the hosts of Til' Death Do Us Blart have struck.
From the comedians behind The Worst Idea Of All Time (famous for watching and reviewing first Grownups 2, then Sex And The City 2, and now We Are Your Friends every week for an entire year), and My Brother, My Brother And Me, a comedy advice show for the modern era, TDDUB is the funniest Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 podcast you're ever gonna hear.
But what if you've never seen PBMC2?
Well, if the sound of an hour and a half podcast charting five hilarious men's slow descent into misery and madness doesn't sound fun enough, we've asked the hosts Tim Batt, Guy Montgomery, Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy, just why you should watch PBMC2 this weekend.
Tim: Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 is a movie suitable mainly for experimentation and possibly has some warfare applications. If you thought you knew movies, if you thought you knew what which movies would make over $100m at the Box Office – you need to see this film and allow it to shake your belief system to its very core.
Griffin: The only reason is if you are disarming a bomb, and the bomb has some kind of screen on it, and the only way to disarm that bomb is to watch the entirety of Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 on that screen or else it will blow up and destroy the whole world.
Justin: Maybe if they have a very particular fetish that is underserved by the entirety of all media outside of Paul Blart Mall Cop 2. These fetishes include: Watching a sad thin man eat a very old banana. Watching a large man catch ice cream drippings in his gaping maw while he lies prone on the floor. Watching Neal McDonough have an allergic reaction to oatmeal concealer being smeared on his face. Watching an elderly housekeeper apologize for getting punched in the stomach by Kevin James. That is all.
Travis: Maybe as a dare? Or like, if they are pledging to join a fraternity? Oh! I know! If you are trying to ingratiate yourself with an international spy/assassin who has a strange obsession with Kevin James and you know that the only way you can get a meeting with the spysassin is if you pose as the president of the Kevin James fan club. Note: this also applies to if you are planning to meet with Kevin James himself by posing as the president of his fan club.
Guy: Because the good people at Happy Madison went to the trouble of making this movie and the least you could do is go the trouble of watching it. Don't we all deserve a Paul Blart Mall Cop 3? Well for that to happen we are all going to need to work together. Why does American Thanksgiving get the only Paul Blart related podcast every year? What about Canadian Thanksgiving? Waitangi Day? Queen's Birthday? The people deserve more Blart and I think I speak for all of my co-hosts in saying we want to give it to them.
And if they can't persuade you, then this gif of Kevin James getting an ice cream facial definitely should...
Find Til' Death Do Us Blart wherever you listen to podcasts, now.
Josh Pappenheim - @papsby
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