But why stop there? There are plenty more London landmarks that could jump on the freeloading Olympic bandwagon and become part of the games. Who wouldn’t pay to see the long jump being held on Tower Bridge…when it’s open? You either make it across or die. Or pole vaulting over Nelson’s Column. You either make it or you die. Or hold the 100 metre final in the tunnel between Leicester Square and Piccadilly Circus…as a tube train speeds along behind you. You either make it or you die.
They could re-name it the Olympic Hunger Games. These are gems we’re giving you here, Olympic committee, gems. We were going to suggest holding the swimming events in the Thames, but let’s face it, no-one wants to butterfly their way through turds. Death is fine but a mouthful of poo is just too much for a worldwide audience to stomach.
And if an athlete is caught with steroids, angel dust, coleslaw or some other naughtiness in their wee wee, let’s make an example of them in a way only London can by parading them through Traitor’s Gate in an open top canal boat before locking them in stocks in the Tower of London where Japanese tourists can throw scones at them (£5 for three throws).
By the way, keep an eye on Prince Harry’s Facebook page. You can currently get odds of 3-1 that he’ll break into the Tower one night after a couple of shandies to get a picture of himself wearing the medals. Well, we’d do it too if we had a key. (We've bid for one on eBay so fingers crossed.)
Sure, the medals will be as safe as Prince William's crown jewels during a cricket match but we’ve uncovered one potential flaw in Lord Coe’s money-saving Tower of London storage plan. What if the vegetarian athletes refuse to accept their medals because they’ve been handled by Beefeaters. You didn’t think of that, did you Seb?
Copyright : Comedy Central UK