Two And A Half Men man, Ashton Kutcher, has fit seamlessly into the role of Steve Jobs for the Apple founder's biopic: Jobs: Get Inspired with the cunning help of a beard. But rival tech giant, Microsoft, thought it was such a good idea, they're bringing out their own version – Gates: Got Inspired. Any similarities, however, are coincidental.

Asked about the difference between the two projects, a source told us: "For a start, Microsoft's movie will be a couple of years later than the Jobs film. It won't be as well-designed or cool, but will do much the same thing, if not quite as well."

One problem facing Microsoft is that Bill Gates is still alive, so his story hasn't yet finished. We should make it clear that Microsoft have no intention of interfering with the life span of their chief executive, even though it would help the movie. It would be great PR all 'round actually, but nope, it's not even on the table.

"We hope to be able to upgrade the film after release, so that by the end of it, it makes some kind of sense, just like our software. Who knows, Bill might meet with some tragedy, or get done for speeding. Then we'll show Apple who's the man."

Kutcher looks amazingly like the young Steve Jobs, while also looking very like Ashton Kutcher, somehow. He's been spotted running around a field, presumably playing Jobs during one of his life-changing acid trips. Why else would anyone run around a field? And what else are fields for, exactly?

Jobs considered taking LSD one of the three most important things he did in his life. That means two places left for the birth of his kids, his marriage and creating the iPod, iPhone and iPad. Someone's going to be upset about that and it's not the iPad.

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