Barclays Bank have admitted they have 'been bad' in a statement in which they mostly looked at the floor and shuffled uncomfortably from foot to foot, according to special sources. FSA investigators found that banks had not washed their hands before dinner, didn’t pay attention in class and played Knock Down Ginger on their neighbours. In other developments, BBC News report that the banking giant have been fined £290 million for manipulating lending rates, leaving the reputation of the industry lower than a snake's danglies.

Nobody will be prosecuted, causing outrage among those angered that rioters were jailed for minor offences in last year's riots. "I thought they were likely to keep Libor rates artificially low in the future," said Tony, 23. "And it made me so mad I smashed a window and took a pair of Nike Air Rift size 12s. It's strange because I'm a size 10, but that just shows you how upset I was."

Sources say banks could move into human trafficking in a bid to upgrade their reputation from its current standing.

Sadly, nobody really understands what Libor rates are, why they matter and why traders are calling each other "big boy" in emails. To stop all these shenanigans you could take your money out of the bank so it can't be handled by "big boys". Or maybe you like that sort of thing?

So where could you put your money? Well, under your mattress is an option, but if that worries you, why not try my mattress? Alternatively you could invest in a more reputable business, like arms dealing.

David Cameron told the Commons that Barclays have 'serious questions to answer.' Those questions are thought to include, "Why did you get caught?" "Can't you see we're in enough trouble?" and "Did anyone see that squirrel?"

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