The UK spends millions on surveillance and policing of groups thought to be a threat to our security. Meanwhile bees fly willy-nilly through our streets, picking up pollen, ready to pounce. And why has no action been taken against bees? Surely the blame lay squarely at the door of the powerful honey lobby.
An insider told us: "While the security services focus on militant fundamentalists, kamikaze bees have virtually been ignored. There are certain hives where hate-mongering queens preach a violent anti-human message. Don’t get me wrong. Most bees are peace-loving insects but a few bad apples are determined to sting us where it hurts."
A Daily Slap investigation can reveal that the government is very much in bed with the bee community. The Conservative Party is partly funded with money from the honey industry. David Cameron has blocked an independent inquiry, even as the threat from bees was raised from blimey to hefty. Why?
We suggest it might not be a coincidence that the Prime Minister likes to put honey in his yoghurt. And that's not a euphemism. Reports that George Osbourne likes to bathe in honey have not been substantiated, however. None the less, the close ties between the government and shadowy figures in the toxic world of honey production casts doubt over who is in charge of this country.
We are warned that the threat from al-Qaida is a real one and cannot be ignored. It's not ignored. They're always going on about it. But until we face up to the equal threats to our lives and prosperity, such as those from bees, wasps and slipping in the bath, none of us can sleep easily.
Copyright : Comedy Central UK