Except when it comes to Euro 2012, of course. We’re proud to say that if a cannibal chewed off our arm, he'd see England pumping through our veins. And then drink it.
And last night, England did us proud by not losing to the French.
To say that the collective feeling towards the England squad at Euro 2012 has been underwhelming is something of an understatement. It’s been a unique case of ‘England doesn’t expect’. As Churchill didn’t say, ‘Never have so many expected so little from so few.’
Traditionally at this stage of a tournament, at least three unemployed fools would have proudly showed off their Wayne Rooney tattoos in The Sun, those annoying England flags would have fallen off cars and be littering our streets and a guy up North would have changed his name by deed pole to Roy Hodgson. But this year, not so much.
You can’t blame them though. Six weeks ago we didn’t even have a manager, then Rio Ferdinand was sent into Twitter exile and then the other players started dropping like highly paid flies. The BBC haven't even sent Gary Lineker to Poland/Ukraine for crying out loud, he's reporting from his usual Match of the Day hideout in west London. It’s as if no-one cares.
So we’re going to stick our head above the uninterested masses and say it loud and proud: we believe in Roy's boys.
Actually, we’re not the only ones to stand up for the Three Lions. Rocky the Raccoon at Bristol Zoo has also predicted a win for our boys. Then again, he also picks his bum and eats it.
Last night’s draw with France was a great result for a team currently flying under the radar in Group D, so maybe the collective lack of faith is actually a clever reverse psychology ploy. If so, it’s working.
So come on England. We have faith in you even if no one else does (except Rocky the Raccoon) so please don’t lose to Sweden on Friday.
And even if it does all go wrong and this time next week they think it’s all over remember this: at least we didn’t lose to the French.
Copyright : Comedy Central UK