The premiere of the new James Bond film, Skyfall, starring Daniel Craig, Dame Judi Dench and Javier Bardem will be used to help real actual spies. It remains to be seen whether the move, requested by Prince Charles, will include tickets for the screening for the undercover operatives, as spies are notoriously shy. Indeed they often prefer to blow buildings up rather than attend a social gathering they're invited to.

"It would be embarrassing to have a lot of empty seats," admitted organiser, Martha Hari. "Especially with the Prince and his missus there. But spies are very suspicious people, naturally. You invite them somewhere and they go all: 'Who sent you?' To be honest, I find it a bit rude."

Many spies are thought to be considering attending, but only once the lights have gone down. Concerns of a bottleneck at the air vents, roof and fire escape are proving a logistical nightmare.

"We're not sure where to put the red carpet," said Martha. "They're not used to coming through the front door. And don't get me started on asking to see their ID."

Even worse could follow as guests make their way to a party to celebrate the 23rd movie of the 007 franchise. Prince Charles has been warned not to say: "And what do you do?" to anyone. Sadly, he doesn't have any other useful phrases, beyond, "I met a plumber, once."

Searching guests is likely to be sore point, though if they're anything like Bond, they will have secreted all manner of lethal devices about their persons should the need for discrete murder occur. One can only hope the members of MI6 and MI5 are able to relax and enjoy a choc-ice or two, the only chink in their otherwise impenetrable armour.

"Spies and choc-ices go together like a horse and marriage," confided Martha, "I shouldn't have told you that," she laughed, shortly before lacing my drink with poiso…

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