If all the 'banter' from a Premier League football match was written down, they'd be churning out a tome the size of War and Peace every Saturday afternoon. Unfortunately it would be puerile rubbish, but if they shut up for five minutes they might win something.
Sources close to England's Euro 2012 squad revealed that while the players were disappointed to be knocked out on penalties by Italy in the quarter-finals, some statistics gave them hope for a bright future. OK, so they had no shots and only strung about 3 passes together, but they did question the parenthood of six Italian players, plus one assistant referee. They also suggested that the mother of Italy's playmaker 'lay with the beasts of the field,' and discussed the predilection of Italy's entire back four for 'self-pleasure'.
Now, if only they could play football.
"You have to walk before you can run," said a top pro. "And that means comparing your opponent with male and female genitalia before having a shot on goal. If we don't get the basics right, we've no chance at this level."
According to the New York Times, the court heard that Ferdinand taunted Terry over his much-publicised affair with Vanessa Perroncel, Wayne Bridge's ex-girlfriend, before making a sexual hand gesture. Terry responded with a gesture that suggested Ferdinand had bad breath. They say so much, yet say so little. It's no wonder Terry is paid around £150,000 a week.
England manager, Roy Hodgson, will need to harness all the energy his boys put into abusing each other if England are to achieve anything other than "top bants."
Copyright : Comedy Central UK