Why? Here’s why…
“When you’re driving down the road in the summer, the English people…it’s not our natural thing, no. So it’s ‘put it awaaaaaay!’”
So said Kate in an interview with Grazia Magazine and to be honest, we know where she’s coming from. Because in the UK the sun only comes out for six hours each year (Source: real life) our first reaction on seeing it is to strip off. And that’s when the hairy upper arms, bingo wing tattoos, muffin tops and tramp stamps make an unwelcome appearance.
To be fair, we understand where Kate’s coming from. It’s painful enough for us mere mortals to witness these sights but the Croydon-born model has spent her life surrounded by gorgeous people - including her own reflection – so driving past LIDL is bound to be a shock to the system.
But Moss isn’t the first person to crackdown on showing your crack. Believe it or not, Italian mayor Giuseppe Romano tried to introduce a ban on ugly women sunbathing topless. All he wanted to see on his beaches was, “young women capable of exalting beauty of female body.”
We shouldn’t be surprised though. This is, after all, a country where the former Prime Minister’s favourite pastime is ‘bunga bunga’.
Maybe Moss and Romano are on to something. We could introduce a tiered system where you’re only allowed to flash a certain amount of flesh depending on your grade, given to you by a panel of X Factor-esque judges.
People in the Gold tier, such as Rihanna, are free to walk around naked. The Silver group can bare everything but the bits involved in babymaking and the Bronze group aren’t allowed out ‘til after sunset. Sounds like a plan. We’ve approached our local MP to bring it up in Parliament. Watch this space.
By the way, a quick note to our bosses, Mr Comedy and Mr Central.
If you look at our Internet history and see that we searched for…
‘Kate Moss nude’, ‘topless sunbathers’ and ‘bunga bunga g-string parties’
…it was purely for research purposes. Honest.
Copyright : Comedy Central UK