The burglar, an experienced criminal, found himself in the LA kitchen of LL Cool J, rapper and star of NCIS: Los Angeles. LL thumped him and held him down until police arrived. Ironically, the police arrested the burglar and let LL Cool J live in luxury for the rest of time.
“Used to be that if you broke into an LA mansion there’d be and old man upstairs cowering while you removed a TV the size of a pool table,” said an NUB official. “The worst that could happen is that you’d disturb Dennis Hopper who’d engage you in a lengthy monologue about a conspiracy of bees. But now? Shoot! You could be starin’ down Snoop Lion’s barrel."
The impact of fit, youngish stars on the burgling communities has largely been ignored by social services.
“People call prostitution the oldest profession,” argued the official. “I’m guessin’ we’re second. As soon as the first prostitutes got some gear, we went in and jacked it. That's what we're about. We have a tradition in this country, goddammit! We redistribute wealth in a way no social program could. And this is the thanks we get!”
“We have to work unsociable hours, while most people are asleep, don’t forget. And don’t talk to me about disabled access! We count ourselves lucky to get ground floor entry of any kind. The way things are going, we are going to be forced out of our traditional ways of life and be forced to work in banks. It breaks my heart, but my own son couldn’t break into his own home.”
It makes you misty-eyed for the good old days, doesn’t it?
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