Formula 1 supremo Bernie Ecclestone has proposed a grand prix through the streets of London that would rival F1's spectacular event on the streets of Monaco. The billionaire has long dreamed of the project and is even prepared to put in his own money to pay for it. The fastest drivers in the world - Sebastian Vettel, Lewis Hamilton, Fernando Alonso et al - may find themselves tested by a London cabbie who 'knows a way' and is able to dispense slightly right-wing political solutions at the same time.

The hugely rich but painfully short Ecclestone proposes closing the roads on a three-mile track so the cars could zoom past London's landmarks, like Nelson's Column, Buckingham Palace and Spearmint Rhino. But surely that would be too easy? Yes, we'd all like to drive fast through London. The chance would be a fine thing. What, you want us all to get out of the way so your millionaire friends can drive about for a laugh? Are you familiar with the attitude of the average Londoner?

Surely the real contest is in keeping the roads open and seeing just how good Lewis Hamilton is? Can you get from the Elephant & Castle to Hackney in less than half an hour? In rush hour. If so, we'll give you a tenner.

Ecclestone's fear is that a less photogenic cabbie called Dave would be more likely to win that race, along with delivering snippets of news that 'you couldn't make up', an admittedly one-sided analysis of his wife's shortcomings and a considered monologue on the England team's selection problems.

Embarrassingly, even bicycle couriers would beat the F1 drivers to the finish line, provided the cabbies don't hunt them down en route. The Green Party are dead against the F1 idea, stating we should be encouraging walking and cycling. Really, nothing could do a better job than a London Traffic Grand Prix.

Copyright : Comedy Central UK