Reports suggest that innocent commuters going about their daily business - ignoring each other, avoiding eye contact and being rude - at Farringdon tube station have come under fire from the buck-toothed villains. As they're squashed together like sweaty sardines on the platform, some locals have felt something evil nibbling their plates of meat. That's London-speak for 'feet'.
And today, a handwritten sign on a whiteboard appeared at Farringdon tube, warning commuters that London was no longer a safe place to live: Pay Attention. The mice at this station have been attacking customers. Please place the bottom of your trousers into your socks to avoid being a victim of the Farringdon mice.
A spokesman for Transport for London denied a member of staff had written the sign which has now been removed, and claimed, "We are not aware of any mice at the station"
But The Daily Slap spoke to one lady who refused to be named - Lisa Fallopian from Farringdon - whose flip flop was chewed by a mouse as she was on her way to have a tummy tuck. She's not been able to sleep since. "I've not been able to sleep since. A mouse ate my shoe. It could have eaten me. I'm lucky to be here. I'm hungry." We think she was referring to her tummy tuck at the end there.
The London locals aren't taking the attacks lying down. There's not enough room to lie down on the underground, you see. A former New York native who still lives in the 80s has taken to Facebook to recruit a group of red beret-wearing Guardian Angels to rid the town of the cheesy menace. So far, he's the only member. Judging by his profile pic, he'll remain the only member.
Eager to do our bit to calm the nation's capital and save the day, we've emailed The Pied Piper but his out of office reply suggests he's currently 'helping police with enquiries about something they found on his computer'.
UPDATE: We've just received a letter from a mouse claiming to be the leader of the Farringdon gang of mice, denying that they're mini terrorists. After speaking to police - well, a traffic warden - we've decided to print the letter in full. Here it is. In full.
"We, the gang of mice, strongly refute the claim that we've been attacking customer's feet. We feel we have no choice but to speak out and explain what really happened. We are a club of foot fetishists. Looking at and touching people's feet gives us kicks of a sexual nature. So you see, we would never attack customer's feet. We just rub ourselves up against them and take photos. Please don't judge us. P.S. Please wear flip flops more often."
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