‘There will be no C, X or Q in our everyday alphabet.’
What were they thinking? -uite how they thought we’d -ope without those letters is an e-ample of -raziness. How would illiterate people sign their names? What would mark the spot? And the Ja-kson Five song ‘AB-‘ wouldn’t be half as –at-hy/annoying (delete as appli-able).
‘Photographs will be telegraphed from any distance. If there be a battle in China a hundred years hence snapshots of its most striking events will be published in the newspapers an hour later.’
Well, they were right on the nose with this one. Just yesterday, a guy in our office was dumped by his girlfriend and within minutes he’d exacted his revenge by sending naked photos of her to everyone in his address book, including her sick grandma and a vicar he follows on Twitter. Isn’t technology wonderful.
‘A man or woman unable to walk ten miles at a stretch will be regarded as a weakling’.
We tested this one at lunchtime. Three people died before mile two. Jill, Rupert and Yvonne, we’re really going to miss you all, despite the fact you were clearly weaklings. Actually, we won’t really miss Rupert that much. He had a nasty habit of sweating while he ate.
'Strawberries as large as apples will be eaten for Christmas dinner a hundred years hence.'
In a word: what?! Eating strawberries for Christmas dinner is just odd. Having said that, we can imagine Heston Blumenthal serving up this dish on Jesus’s birthday. Or that girl from the A la Cart Kitchen advert who shrieked, “Wake up daddy, breakfast ready” as she tipped a plate of baked beans and swiss roll on his lap.
To get an inside scoop on what life will be like 100 years from now, we went to see a Medium. When we saw her we asked for our money back though. She was definitely a Large. So instead we reluctantly asked The Daily Slap’s resident psychic, Magical Keith, for his thoughts on what life will be like in 2112. He said, “We’ll all be dead”, then started crying.
We really need to get a new resident psychic. If you want to apply, simply send your CV to the address we’re thinking of, before the closing date written on the playing card we're holding up.
Copyright : Comedy Central UK