When Ian Kinnaird from Scottish Land forked out £200 for a DNA test, little did he know his family tree would have more roots on show than an episode of TOWIE. According to researchers from Britain’s DNA, Ian’s mitochondrial DNA (and if you don’t know what that is, shame on you) is 30,000 years old and only two genetic mutations away from the first woman. A guy in our office claims he’s just two genetic mutations away from being a member of the X-Men but until we see knives come out of his knuckles we’ll keep ignoring him.
“I have led an unremarkable life until now,” said Ian, “but my computer has been red hot since I was told. This is a real gobsmacker.” With that many relatives, who’s he going to invite round for Christmas? Someone’s bound to get upset. You know what families are like. On the other hand, Ian could be in for a massive windfall on his birthday. If all his UK relatives gave him just 50p each, he’d be £31million better off. It would take approximately 2.7 years to write the thank you letters though.
And while we’re talking about Eve, you don’t see enough people wearing fig leaves these days. They’re free, they’re environmentally friendly and they’re green which is quite slimming. So come on Britain, let’s stick two fingers up to the so-called recession and save money by starting a fig leaf fashion revolution. After all, it’s not as if they don’t grow on trees.
Copyright : Comedy Central UK