Nicholas Saunders was visiting his ex-wife who had turned down a wonderful opportunity to rekindle their passions, the court heard. The father-of-three had just fought with his girlfriend and was seeking comfort, according to his ex. He found it in the loving paws of man's best friend.
Kelly Thacker said she heard her ex-husband whistle for the dogs and, soon after, entered the room to find him having sex with Sasha, who is at least female, though admittedly, a dog. Saunders denied the charges, claiming he was merely 'climbing over the dog'. He had no idea how dog DNA ended up on his little chap.
The court heard a forensic scientist say there were a number of scenarios that could have led to the transfer of DNA to Mr Saunders' winky. The Daily Slap, however, doesn't want to contemplate any of them. Tests could only conclude the presence of a domestic dog's DNA, not necessarily Sasha's. That didn't really help his case massively though.
Bull mastiffs are known to be flirty little minxes. Sources said Sasha had been texting her former master pictures of herself for some time. The images were said to have been of her naked, often on all fours and sometimes dribbling.
"She's a bit of a goer," said a neighbour who told us Sasha had something of a reputation around town. "It's those bedroom eyes of hers. Oh, and the garter belt. That was a clue."
Bestiality is a rare offence in the UK and is deeply frowned upon by other criminals. A murderer was reported to be profoundly disturbed to find he was sharing a cell with a zoophile and asked, appalled, "How low can you go, you dirty rotter?" The man replied: "Down to a Jack Russell." Boom boom.
Copyright : Comedy Central UK