Jobless, lacking in ambition and high as a kite? You're either really poor or really, really rich. So far, in our unequal isle, social programs have focused on the poor, the needy, the elderly or disabled. But now a government think tank is to recommend we reach out to the wealthy in a bid to stop their isolation and get them off their chaise-lounges.

The biggest problem for the wealthy is what to do with their lives. Most of us have to get jobs, which provide a structure, which in turn funds our housing and family life. But the rich don't need jobs, so often mornings begin with the butler providing a to do list; a blank piece of paper. It's an existential nightmare.

Places like Chelsea and Belgravia Darling, are becoming ghettoes of the super-rich, where idle poshies can be found wandering around their grounds wondering which car to drive.

"Philanthropy can provide a brief distraction but it's a bit like pretend work. What we need are Rich Clubs where the wealthy can gather with their own kind and shoot game or ramblers," said a think tank expert thinker. "We've got all these closed down youth clubs. Why not tart them up, install some chandeliers and open some bubbles?"

Providing classes to help the rich back into society is seen as key to social cohesion. Some of them don't even talk proper. If you repeat the word: "Ears," you will find that it sounds exactly like posh people saying "Yes." That's because they're trying to engage their ears to listen to you, unsuccessfully.

Channel 4 News report that the gap between rich and poor is widening. The top 10% are more than 500x richer than the bottom 10%. So let's not make them feel lonely as well.

Copyright : Comedy Central UK