The official line from NASA is that we're edging ever closer to discovering life on Mars. Since landing on the red planet in August, Curiosity has travelled a third of a mile, taking pictures and testing the atmosphere. And this weekend, having arrived at a site called Rocknest, he's preparing to collect the first samples of Martian sand, which could hold secrets to alien life.

But here at The Daily Slap, we know better. That's because we received a postcard from Curiosity this morning, which suggests that he's treating the whole exercise as one big jolly. We've decided to print the postcard in full here, for you, dear reader.

“Wassup!

Man, I got hammered last night. I met the three-boobed woman from Total Recall in a karaoke bar. Her name’s Rapunzel Lick, she’s 700-years-old and a Sagittarius. She doesn’t speak English but we communicate by touch. Well, I certainly do!! LOL ;) When it was my turn to sing, I did Bowie’s 'Life on Mars'. Everyone cracked up.

It’s a bit like Benidorm here but if I let anyone at NASA know that, my mission will be accomplished and they’ll send me home. So whenever I take a photo I make sure I’ve got my back to the hotels, casinos and strip joints.

I’m meant to be analysing the sand for signs of life at the moment which is a bit of joke really as I’m currently sat sunbathing with Rapunzel. She just drew a penis in the sand. I won’t be sending NASA a picture of that!

This morning, Rapunzel took me to a water park at a nearby resort. Her bikini top slid up as she came down one of the slides revealing two of her three boobs. It was hilarious. ☺

Anyway, better go. We’re off to see the new Bond film at 9.

Your pal, Curiosity”

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