A new labelling system is to be introduced to help people identify unhealthy items more easily. The most harmful foods are to be labelled "Leave it, fatty," in new government plans to reduce obesity by speaking directly to the consumer in language it understands.
"Not everyone understands the difference between saturated fat, unsaturated fat and recovered meat," said a spokesman. "All they know is, it's tasty. But when a label says: 'Cup cake? Or cry for help?' it speaks to the conscience, enabling the consumer to make an informed choice."
A shopper at Freezerfresh told us: "It's definitely a help. I had no idea that my deep fried frozen kebab was in the category now known as "Heart attack-friendly'. It made me think twice and I put half of them back almost immediately."
Checkout staff will now have the right to slap obese people buying high fat content food, but only with items from the salad bar.
"Big-boned people are not only unsightly, they cost the NHS a fortune," continued the spokesman. "By hitting them with salad, we not only give them a timely reminder of their responsibility to themselves, we put vegetables in the forefront of their minds. Plus we get to smack them, which is enormously satisfying."
Other categories, such as "Well sweet" and "Nuff salt in it, innit" are likely to raise awareness for the 23% of UK adults that Sky News reports are obese. The USA leads the way in obesity at 33.8%. It is thought that if the US reaches 50% the country will slip into the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans under the weight. Indeed plans for the first underwater McDonald's are at an advanced stage.
"Not everyone understands the difference between saturated fat, unsaturated fat and recovered meat," said a spokesman. "All they know is, it's tasty. But when a label says: 'Cup cake? Or cry for help?' it speaks to the conscience, enabling the consumer to make an informed choice."
A shopper at Freezerfresh told us: "It's definitely a help. I had no idea that my deep fried frozen kebab was in the category now known as "Heart attack-friendly'. It made me think twice and I put half of them back almost immediately."
Checkout staff will now have the right to slap obese people buying high fat content food, but only with items from the salad bar.
"Big-boned people are not only unsightly, they cost the NHS a fortune," continued the spokesman. "By hitting them with salad, we not only give them a timely reminder of their responsibility to themselves, we put vegetables in the forefront of their minds. Plus we get to smack them, which is enormously satisfying."
Other categories, such as "Well sweet" and "Nuff salt in it, innit" are likely to raise awareness for the 23% of UK adults that Sky News reports are obese. The USA leads the way in obesity at 33.8%. It is thought that if the US reaches 50% the country will slip into the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans under the weight. Indeed plans for the first underwater McDonald's are at an advanced stage.
Copyright : Comedy Central UK