Further embarrassment was caused when it emerged that ceremony officials booked the wrong Oasis. Instead of the Britpop Mancunians, the packed stadium had to suffer Beady Eye, an Oasis tribute band, singing Wonderwall. To be fair, the singer did look exactly like Liam Gallagher, though he sounded like Liam might if he decided to sing through his nose, whilst underwater, in light drizzle.
Perhaps inevitably, the show was a mixed bag. People tweeted that various people had saved the day: One Direction, The Who, Eric Idle, the dancing Ukrainian girls. Then Boris Johnson set white male stereotypes back a hundred years, dancing like 'teacher at the school disco', to the Spice Girls.
"We knew Boris was going to throw some shapes," said an organiser. "He's been practising for months and we're just glad all that hard work paid off on the biggest stage of all."
While the message of the Games is surely that we are all capable of anything, Boris was the exception to the rule. Yes, he had a certain animal grace, but it was that of an ostrich on ketamine, ordering jagermeister, from a frog.
By the time Brian May had finished his guitar solo, his hair had gone grey. We say, 'his hair', but in fact it belonged to his Great Auntie Maureen, who performed in the 40-yard milk curdlie in 1948, which was a nice touch.
It's all been so brilliant it seemed like a bad idea to hand it over to Brazil. Sadly, after two and a half amazeballs weeks, we've got some moaning to catch up on.
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