Japanese scientists have discovered that gibbons use the same vocal technique as sopranos, thanks to experiments with helium. Those experiments involved the gibbons inhaling helium, not the scientists, we should point out. One boffin did have a go, but his colleague walked out, saying: “I won’t be spoken to like that.”

One of the team told us: “I’ve always dreamt of giving gibbons helium and getting them to sing, but the Job Centre told me there was no call for it. But, hey! Who’s laughing now?”

Sitting around bored one day, the experts gave the primates the voice-altering gas, for a laugh. Helium is the second most abundant element in the universe, which accounts for why life is so funny. They discovered that the gibbons had mastered singing techniques that only professional opera singers could manage. Naturally, the opera singers are furious.

“We used to be the pinnacle of musical culture, but now tree-swinging apes can do it, my hourly rate’s gone right down the Gary Glitter,” said soprano Elina DiDonato.

Of course gibbon song is a far cry from Maria Callas. But gibbons are a lot closer to playing the Royal Opera House than they are recreating the greatest hits of the Wu-Tang Clan, let’s put it like that. Gibbons can’t rap and that is a fact.

Simon Cowell has already expressed an interest in producing the first series of The Ape Factor as he’s running out of bipeds who haven’t been on telly yet.

Next Article: LL Cool J Breaks Burglar’s Jaw

Copyright : Comedy Central UK