Early blubbing began as the ceremony preamble introduced us to Martine Wright and her incredible path from 7/7 victim to Britain's Paralympic volleyball team. Then Stephen Hawking reminded us all not to be stupid.
A summer that has seen the normally restrained Brits openly crying with joy has meant that the country's reserves have been severely depleted. Britain may have to borrow a range of emotions from France who spent much of August dispensing nothing other than Gallic shrugs. Consequently France has a surfeit of happiness, leading Britain to think they can do business.
"There is no other way," said Osbourne. "There is no Plan B. The country's emotional credit card has maxed out and we need huge cutbacks across the board."
Civil Servants are expected to cut their emotional responses by as much as 15%, which critics say will leave members of the public baffled by their deadpan exchanges. Nick Clegg has called for Britain's super rich to donate their fair share of emergency emotion, as they have every reason to be happy all the time.
The crisis represents the first time Britain has been so short of available emotion since the end of World War II. Experts blame the excessive use of the stiff upper lip and the subsequent burst of elation, leading to an unprecedented sense of rapture. As the Games' unfold, the accompanying stories of bravery, dedication and heroism in the face of adversity could lead the country "to shed tears it doesn't have," said Osbourne, as he urged Britons to "keep calm and sit down."
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