Many men would feel slighted to hear they are behind 86-year-old Sir David Attenborough in the eligible bachelor stakes, but he does have 60 years of whispering knowledgably about mating rituals to a rapt Sunday night audience. At last, all that work has paid off.
There's no surprise to see 'Dirty' Prince Harry at the top of the list. He's a handsome party-loving royal who even has a uniform, with medals and everything. But Mario Balotelli? OK, he's younger, fitter, richer, better looking and more impishly unpredictable than most of us, but what else has he got? I bet he can't speak fluent Klingon. Girls love that stuff. Don't they?
Of the girls, there are plenty of leggy size 6 models who, while quite beautiful, are also eligible for a good pie and some chips. No list of eligible women would be complete without Pippa Middleton, whose bottom has recently been listed as Grade II by English Heritage. No modifications can now be made to her derriere, not that she was considering a tramp stamp tattoo.
Outspoken MP Nadine Dorries was the surprise entry, being neither posh nor tiny, but there are ample rewards for the man willing to woo her, should he survive. The nickname "Mad Nad" doesn't inspire confidence, but we think Sir David Attenborough could probably handle her like he might a silverback baboon.
Also in this month's edition is the glossy supplement, Chinless, featuring trustafarians in their natural habitats of Chelsea, Mayfair and Notting Hill flirting with the camera like it was a mirror, the dear things.
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