The President's wife, Lyudmila*, told us: "I said to him, 'Vlad, where you going? Wear a vest and don’t forget your sandwiches. They're peanut butter.' He said, 'I'm going to wrestle a bear and crush dissent.' He's such a kidder."
But the bare-chested president did forget his sandwiches, holding up Moscow's rush hour traffic for another 45 minutes. "We're all in this together," he said. "I'll take the helicopter Monday."
The President has also vowed to work from home more often to ease the burden on his fellow Muscovites. "Work from home? Who's he kidding?" laughed Lyudmila. "I've give you 2/1 he'll be on the Rod Stewart karaoke by 10am."
Kremlin staff are becoming increasingly concerned about Putin's obsession with Rod Stewart. Angela Merkel was simply alarmed to hear him sing "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" to her at a recent summit. While the Daily Mail believes Putin has bought a £15 million Marbella mansion, almost next door to the gravel-voiced pensioner.
"I worry he thinks he is Rod Stewart," said his Mrs. "Sometimes Vlad and Rubber Ducky wlll spend an hour in the bath singing 'Sailing', then he’ll change into some spandex and dictate macro-economic policy. It's frightening."
*At least, we think it was Lyudmila. She was definitely Russian and was hanging around near the house. And had nice hair.
Next Article: Ashton Kutcher, Best Paid Actor on TV
Copyright : Comedy Central UK