Mitt Romney has chosen Paul Ryan as his running mate in the US presidential elections in a move that all but secures the stiff white vote. But who is Paul Ryan? Well, he's a fiscal conservative. In plain English, that means he's unlikely to buy a round.
Is he the man to unite a nation though? Some say, yes he is. Others say, no he isn't. Which, if you think about it, means no, he isn't. However, conservatives are thrilled by Romney's choice. Unfortunately, so are Democrats.
The Romney-Ryan ticket has a clear advantage in the uptight right vote, polling more than 65% for people going to bed before 10pm, wearing JC Penney pyjamas. Ryan is a self-avowed policy wonk, meaning he can talk for hours on budget issues. Luckily, he's married already, because with that sort of peccadillo, he'd have no chance of ever getting a girl.
We know budgets are important, of course they are. Otherwise how do you know how much you've overspent by? But can Ryan capture the imagination of a nation not renowned for its attention span with detailed fiscal analysis?
Details, schmetails. Ryan can point to his plan to slash Medicaid by $750 million. America needs to swallow its medicine, and as Jon Stewart said of Ryan's plan: "the medicine is taking the form of, 'you can no longer afford medicine.'"
Ryan still wants to make sure Medicaid rises in line with inflation and that makes him a compassionate conservative. Aw, bless. Unfortunately, health care inflation is much higher, leaving affordable care tantalisingly out of reach for the poor of the future. Harsh you might say, but surely they need something to aspire to? Otherwise, they'll just loll around, groaning.
Here's Jon introducing a bizarre Ryan-related clip of Sean Hannity speculating on the grisly future of Obama campaign ads.
Is he the man to unite a nation though? Some say, yes he is. Others say, no he isn't. Which, if you think about it, means no, he isn't. However, conservatives are thrilled by Romney's choice. Unfortunately, so are Democrats.
The Romney-Ryan ticket has a clear advantage in the uptight right vote, polling more than 65% for people going to bed before 10pm, wearing JC Penney pyjamas. Ryan is a self-avowed policy wonk, meaning he can talk for hours on budget issues. Luckily, he's married already, because with that sort of peccadillo, he'd have no chance of ever getting a girl.
We know budgets are important, of course they are. Otherwise how do you know how much you've overspent by? But can Ryan capture the imagination of a nation not renowned for its attention span with detailed fiscal analysis?
Details, schmetails. Ryan can point to his plan to slash Medicaid by $750 million. America needs to swallow its medicine, and as Jon Stewart said of Ryan's plan: "the medicine is taking the form of, 'you can no longer afford medicine.'"
Ryan still wants to make sure Medicaid rises in line with inflation and that makes him a compassionate conservative. Aw, bless. Unfortunately, health care inflation is much higher, leaving affordable care tantalisingly out of reach for the poor of the future. Harsh you might say, but surely they need something to aspire to? Otherwise, they'll just loll around, groaning.
Here's Jon introducing a bizarre Ryan-related clip of Sean Hannity speculating on the grisly future of Obama campaign ads.
Copyright : Comedy Central UK