Current staffing levels at the Royal Mail have been deemed inadequate to guarantee losing your mail on a regular basis. The phrase "it's lost in the mail" has been a mainstay of British life, hiding a multitude of sins including unsent cheques, thank you letters and misfiled complaints. The administration of the country has for decades been based on having an extra 28 days to do stuff, as the first effort was "lost in the post." Now those happy days can return, so Britain can become Great once more. 

Email and electronic bank transfers have rendered too many of our national excuses redundant. Fast, effective communication has many drawbacks, one of them being that people who you owe money to can communicate with you quickly and effectively. It's a minefield.

But by boosting staff numbers at Royal Mail, they hope to bring customers back to snail mail, writing cheques and IOUs and putting them in a box for a mail person to pick up and physically deliver to the addressee. It's quaint, it's old skool, it's retro. It makes you feel good.

Business too can benefit from the slower pace afforded by the use of paper, envelopes and stamps. Attempts to get a refund for appalling service can be held up for eons as forms go missing and departments liaise by losing vital information in a never-ending cycle of incompetence.

Many government departments have continued to use mail throughout the online revolution, giving them plausible deniability whenever anything went wrong. Prime Minister's Questions are littered with exchanges such as:

"Is the Prime Minister aware of [insert damaging evidence of ministerial negligence]."

"Perhaps the Right Honourable Gentlemen would be kind enough to send the damning evidence again, perhaps by recorded delivery?"

The manoeuvre buys the government time to concoct more evidence, that has also been lost in the post, greasing the wheels of British public life and enhancing our international reputation for procrastination.

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