The unusual dino, which is about one foot tall and weighs the same as a house cat, has been given the name Pegomastax africanus, which means “thick jaw from Africa”, but we’re not so keen so we’ve christened it Birporvamp, which means “A face only a mother could love”. Which was my ex-wife’s maiden name.
Which brings us on to Birporvamp’s distinguishing features. Well, let’s just say it’s not going to win a beauty contest when it next lands on Community Chest playing Monopoly. Birporvamp has a strong jaw, blunt beak, sharp quills all over its body and razor-sharp teeth, like Edward Cullen. Again, it sounds like my ex-wife.
Where was this fantastical discovery, um, discovered? In a desolate stretch of the Arizona desert? Fossilised in limestone on the Dorset coast? Transylvania? Actually, none of the above. According to The Sun, scientists stumbled across Birporvamp in a Harvard University laboratory where it was stored away in the 1960s. So, it’s just sat there doing nothing for years? Again, it sounds like my ex-wife.
Scientists believe the sharp teeth weren’t actually used to suck blood from unsuspecting virgins but for self-defence. The Birporvamp, who roamed the earth between 100million and 200million years ago, was actually a herbivore – which means it smoked da herb - who resembled a “nimble two-legged porcupine”. Again, it sounds like my...Ok, I think you get the point.
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