According to the Journal of Positive Psychology, researchers polled 340,000 people and discovered that moods are no worse on Mondays than other working days, including Fridays.
"Bulls*&t" said Friday yesterday. "Have they not heard of a Friday Feeling? Believe me, I've given a lot of women the Friday feeling in my time and they certainly didn't complain. They moaned, but that was with pleasure. High five." We left him hanging.
The report authors said that we should tell the concept of miserable Mondays to ''eff off'. They didn't say ''eff off', of course, they're too brainy to swear. They also didn't say, "Oi, miserable Monday, you slag. Sling your hook."
We spoke to Monday on Monday and he wasn't a happy puppy, "I've put in a lot of groundwork to make people hate me. It costs me a lot of rent to be pitched next to Sunday every single week. I do everything I can to make evil people be born on a Monday. I'm going to have to step up my game. Maybe some hate crimes will help me pi$$ off a few more people."
Meanwhile, speaking from a Swedish massage parlour in Sweden – so does that just make it a massage parlour? – Saturday was untroubled by the research. “Well, it doesn’t really affect me does it? I can’t put a foot wrong. Everyone loves me. Hashtag – happy finish!”
We think at the end there he was talking to the masseur. At least we hope he was.
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