Squatting is set to become a criminal offence as the government cracks down on 'foreign-looking modes of stationary comfort', it has emerged. People found squatting in England and Wales will face a maximum six months in jail and a £5000 fine.

Hordes of people are expected to defy the law, but only in the comfort of empty houses they have entered to live in without paying any rent. Clearly, it’s going to be difficult to enforce.

Many who favour squatting feel they are being victimised by a government that would like to see its citizens standing to attention or sitting up straight.

"It's cultural warfare," said Steve, 37, a noted sloucher. "I've been slouching since I was a little kid. It's part of who I am. My parents tried to get me to sit up straight, but you can't change human nature. I'm a sloucher. Get over it."

While slouching remains legal for the time being, many commentators fear that leaning could be next to face legislation. Many in the coalition are in favour of 'leaning on a lamppost', at least in theory, if not in practice. But leaning is thought to be a gateway posture that will eventually lead to slouching, which is exactly the kind of thing they're trying to stamp out.

In other news, the government is to make it a criminal offence to enter someone else's empty property and live there without their permission. That is likely to cause a 30% cut in the best parties of the year as well as see many people turn to rough sleeping.

A government spokesmen said, "In that case we'll make rough sleeping illegal too. That'll learn 'em."

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