There's only two things we remember from GCSE biology. The first is how to put a condom on a banana. To be honest, it's a bit annoying having to go out and buy a condom and a banana every time we want to get jiggy, but it's better to be safe than a parent. The second is that sugar and spice and all things nice is what little girls are made of. Well, today we discovered another formula that they didn't teach us in biology: sugar and water is what Rod Stewart's bouffant hair is made of.

According to the Daily Mail, Rod's new autobiography - entitled Rod: The Autobiography - reveals that the cropped crooner spent the early sixties sporting a massive bouffant. Although they do say if you can remember the sixties, you weren't there, so we don't know what to believe.

Anyway, referring to his trademark locks as 'the bouff', Rod said that his DIY solution to ensuring his enormous “Beehive-scale” hair stayed erect, was to mix a spoonful of sugar with water and apply it to his hair. The heat from the hairdryer would then cause the sugar to set and the hair to go rigid. Who’d have thought sugar and water was Viagra for hair follicles? We don’t think it’s suitable for diabetics though.

Intrigued by this unusual theory, The Daily Slap asked me to test drive Rod’s formula this afternoon. Unfortunately, I’m bald so I had to think outside the box. I did, and applied the sugared water to the hair on my nether regions. Sure enough, a light application of heat to that area did make it go rigid and I’m currently sat here with an impressive bouffant in my pants. I was going to post a photo but think I’d get arrested.

We'd better stop writing now. We need to nip out and buy a bunch of bananas. Well, it is the weekend.

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