People found themselves unable to share their thoughts, feelings and lolz with the waiting world and began to huddle round blank screens, comforting each other with brief, inane comments. One completed a PhD in Quantum Physics, which she described as a "waste of time." Some turned to Facebook, where their old friends live. Others tried having a conversation but found it utterly hopeless.
"It was like tweeting, but to one person at a time. It was totes hashtag pants," fumed Toby from Berkshire.
Twitter blamed a "cascading bug" in one of its infrastructure components. We're glad they cleared that up. We were confused for a moment there.
The company admitted it had failed users who needed to connect with "heroes, causes, political movements and Justin Bieber." While Syrians battled a brutal oppressive regime without social media, Beliebers went hours without information on Justin's new perfume, Girlfriend. It emerged that the secret ingredient in each bottle is Justin's sweat. They really will beliebe anything.
Once clever techie people had solved the problem, unofficial 'King of Twitter' Ricky Gervais was able to tweet to Gary Lineker, daring him to say "a game of two halves" after the Portugal-Czech Republic match. Lineker obliged and Gervais coughed up a grand for charity. We have Twitter to thank for that slice of comedy beige.
Copyright : Comedy Central UK