The Assange case perfectly mirrors the case of Debbie Murray that The Daily Slap suffered as a shy 14-year-old schoolboy. Slappy had seen Murray snogging Mike Taylor at the bus stop. He was 35% sure he's seen a bit of "up the jumper" going on and reported the allegation to fellow school chums. Murray's subsequent machinations almost saw Slappy expelled from school under a storm of dubious allegations, including funding of the Iran-Contra rebels and being the real father of Fatty McSpotty's baby.
If the UK does act against Assange it will be a legal free-for-all across the land. You'll be able to pinch trainers again, park anywhere, just like they do in the jungle, and stay all night in the pub - though only for 20 minutes.
America has reacted to Assange in its customary restrained, dignified manner. Sarah Palin called for him to be "hunted down like Bin Laden," amid several shout-outs from senior politicians for him to be assassinated. Luckily Fox News calmed the situation somewhat with their political commentator Bob Beckel stating: "A dead man can't leak stuff. This guy's a traitor, he's treasonous, and he has broken every law of the United States. I'm not for the death penalty, so… there's only one way to do it: illegally shoot the son of a bitch."
But quite why Assange is so reluctant to step foot on American soil is anybody's guess. It's certainly suspicious.
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