66 million years ago, the dinosaurs died. Sorry, we could have broken that to you a bit gentler, couldn’t we? Anyway, since then, man (and woman) has argued over the cause of the dino whodunnit. Could it have been global warming? After all, there’s a theory that the hole in the ozone layer’s been caused by cow farts so think how lethal some of the dino farts would have been – especially the herbivores. Just sayin’. Or was it an asteroid? Or perhaps it was a supermassive volcanic eruption? Or maybe, just maybe, it was something to do with aliens – the bad ones, of course, not E.T. Place your bets now, please, place your bets now.

Ok, no more bets. According to the Mail Online, new research has conclusively proven once-and-for-all that the dinosaurs died out because of an asteroid. But not just any old common or garden asteroid, this one was six miles long and left a crater more than 110 miles wide near the town of Chicxulub in Mexico when it crash-landed approximately 66,038,000 years ago. While the asteroid may not have been the sole cause, researchers at Berkeley University’s Geochronology Centre in the US of A, say the explosion, which created a billion times more energy than an atom bomb, would have dealt the ‘death blow’.

The news came as a welcome relief for volcanoes who, for centuries now, have had to put up with a whisper-campaign of rumours and innuendo. “Maybe now we can put this behind us once and for all,” said a volcano in the Canary Islands, “the dirty looks people give us in supermarkets, the accusations on toilet walls, and all the while we’ve been innocent. It’s enough to make even the calmest person erupt with anger.”

Now the truth is out there, earlier today we caught up with an asteroid as she hurtled past Uranus at 17,400mph: “You can’t blame us,” she said, “By our very nature that’s what we do, fly through space at incredible speeds. Anyway, we still believe that it was earth who got in our way. In fact, you’ll be hearing from our no-win, no-fee legal team very soon.” She then sped off but luckily it wasn’t towards earth.

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