Nick – why not try complimenting Dave on his hair?
"Why thanks, Nick. That's a nice tie you're wearing too," Dave might say in return.
"Thanks. But don't you remember? You bought it for our anniversary…"
No, actually, don't bring up the hair. It'll only bring back the memories of happier times.
Clegg has staked a great deal on getting an elected upper house. It would mean the Lib Dems had at last achieved something. But Tory MPs rebelled, leaving David Cameron to tell Nick that he could only get what he wants if he changed what it is he wants into what Dave wants.
Lib Dems are furious they are being asked to water down their reforms. They're so furious, in fact, that they are almost contemplating doing something about it. Rumours are rife that Nick will no longer be involved in the Downing Street tea round and Vince Cable has taken back the family selection biscuit tin he bought with his own money.
Another tactic they're working on is known as the Strategic Repetitive Dialogue Interaction Strategy. It's basically repeating back to Dave whatever he says until it becomes annoying. So when Dave, says: "Hi Nick," Nick says, "Hi Nick," back.
"How's things, old buddy?"
"How's things, old buddy?"
"Are you repeating everything I say?"
"Are you repeating everything I say?"
And so on until you get constitutional reform.
If that doesn't work, their only real weapon is pulling out of the coalition. But that would leave them out of power again, possibly for eternity. Are unelected peers and bishops so bad, Nick?
Copyright : Comedy Central UK