GREASE: The *amount* of heavy petting, smoking, thrusting and hair gel application that went on at Rydell High was simply disgusting. DISGUSTING. And not at all sexy.
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MEAN GIRLS: Ah, North Shore High School. On the premises of which the headmaster has uttered the words: "Step away from the underage girls, Coach Carter". 'Nuff said.
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TWILIGHT: "Forks High School had a frightening total of only three hundred and fifty-seven—now fifty-eight students; there were more than seven hundred people in my junior class alone back home." Inbreds, Bella. They were all inbred.
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HARRY POTTER: Hogwarts was surrounded by a huge body of water full of GRINDYLOWS and their smart-ass headmaster kept dragons, trolls, giant spiders and a three-headed dog on the third floor corridor. To name a few things wrong with this place.
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HEATHERS: Westerburg High saw a student fire a gun in the cafeteria, and get suspended for a week. The police aren’t involved or anything. When two students are shot two days later, nobody blinks an eye. Whut?
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SAVED BY THE BELL: Things that happened at Bayside High - Things that actually happened in Saved By The Bell: Driver's Ed was taught INSIDE using what looks to be a Hot Wheels car and Jessie managed to overdose on caffeine pills.
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AMERICAN PIE: Look, East Great Falls High, if you can accidentally email everyone in the school a link to a webcam feed, odds are your school is doing a poor job in terms of both IT education and system administration.
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RECESS: Third Street Elementary School is basically a high security prison, complete with a clock to count down the minutes until playtime is over and a playground so dangerous it's called 'Old Rusty'.
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FERRIS BEULLER'S DAY OFF: Ben Stein plays the economics teacher. In real life, Ben Stein claims that teaching evolution in schools could lead to another Holocaust. And that Barack Obama is the most racist President the US has ever seen. Yeah.
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HIGH SCHOOL MUCIAL: East Side High sparked some epic dramatic productions, sure, but where will mediocre singing and gymnastic prowess get you when you're stacking shelves in Tesco, huh? Don’t these twats ever have to take exams?
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VERONICA MARS: There is literally one student at Neptune High, the most crime-ridden school ever, who isn't a piece of shit. This is what Ofsted exists for.
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THE VAMPIRE DIARIES: “Mystic Falls High School is a common battleground for supernatural wars” begins MFHS’s Wikia entry. If that doesn’t scream out “unlikely to be judged 'Outstanding' by the Office for Standards in Education”, we don’t know what does.
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BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: Sunnydale High is over an actual Hellmouth that people keep dying in. After Ofsted they should send in the SAS.
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CLUELESS: Bronson Alcott High School was The Worst. “What did you do at school today?” asks Cher’s dad. “Broke in my purple clogs” she replies. What a fucking shitty school.
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10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU: Kat legit flashed her tits at a teacher to get out of detention and we never heard about it again. Plus Heath Ledger risked everyone's safety singing on those bleachers and- OH WHO ARE WE KIDDING THAT WAS SO FRIGGIN AWESOME