12 Things People With Jewish Parents Understand
1 If you’ve got a new girlfriend/boyfriend, they will always ask if they are “one of us”
If you tell them no, they will reply with “Oh, that fine… just wondering! Not a problem!” but secretly wish you said the opposite. Of course, if you tell them yes, they will combust with excitement.
2 They will ask if your partner is a doctor or lawyer
As soon as they ask “so, what do they do?” you know exactly what they’re trying to find out.
3 Even if you’re in the very early stages of a relationship, they will start asking about grandchildren
“So… do you know if they want… children…?”
“No, I haven’t even met his parents yet!”
4 If you’re single, they will ask if you’ve considered Jewish online dating
“The Rosenberg’s daughter met her fiancée on J Date, do you want me to sign you up?” Please. No. And I don’t want to join J Crush or J Swipe either.
5 You never fail to get a huge food baby after Friday night dinner
But, to be honest, it’s worth it.
6 …and every time you take a friend home, they will feed them until they cannot move
Hopefully they think it’s worth it.
7 During Jewish holidays, they’re suddenly way more religious than at any other time of the year
Or at least, they pretend to be. Driving to the Synagogue and parking a three minute walk away still means that you drove there.
8 They never miss anything you post on social media
Jewish parents are the ultimate Facebook and Twitter stalkers. Post anything about feeling vaguely ill and they will ring you immediately in a panic and let all your family know within an hour.
9 You don’t even consider getting a tattoo which is visible while wearing clothes because you’ll have to face their wrath
It’s seriously not worth the risk.
10 They still go on about your Bar/Bat Mitzvah, even though it was about ten years ago
Yes, we all remember how nice the canapes were...
11 You find yourself saying the odd Yiddish phrase, because they say them so much
“Getting here was such a schlep, oy vey! Oh no, I sound exactly like my mother…”
12 You may not celebrate Christmas, but you get way more presents for Chanukah
Eight days of presents > one day of presents. Also you probably still do the whole Christmas dinner, just a more kosher version.
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