19 People In Your Life That You Hate
1 Your girlfriend's friends boyfriend
‘I keep getting told we’re going to get on great so now I’m determined we won’t. Stop trying to relate to me and find a common ground. There’s no point lobbying me anyway, it doesn’t improve your chances with her at all’
2 The guy who blogs in your local coffee shop
‘No one wants to read your opinions on Clarkson, or the election, or Zayn Malik, or anything at all ever’
3 The passive aggressive Facebook updater
That person on your Facebook who constantly updates their status with thinly veiled barbs to ‘friends’….you know who you are
4 That old woman who lives near that you thought you liked until she said something islamaphobic and you didn’t correct her
5 The overly upbeat train announcer
It's 8:05am on Monday morning, I don't want anything approaching positive. Also, no overly negative train announcers, it's 8:05am on Monday morning, it's bad enough already.
6 That guy who looks really pleased with himself for understanding a joke about drugs
7 Also the guy who thinks anyone who did creative 'must have been on acid'
8 Your Aunt from Nottingham
‘I don’t care that my cousin John has become Branch Manager at Santander’
9 The colleague who thinks every problem can be solved with a “brainstorm”
10 That prick Darren French
He used to bully you in school and you bumped into him at a doctors surgery when you went back to your parents and he belittled you and you couldn’t come up with a good comeback on the spot and you hated yourself for the rest of the day.
11 That guy that drinks in your local and keeps cryptically referring to a misdeed previously in life and you’re worried he might’ve killed someone
12 The person on a bike who thinks it’s fine to go through a red light if they do it reeeaallllyyy slowwwwlly
13 Your friend who always has slightly better than anecdotes you
That time you saw Liam Gallagher swear at a taxi driver? Yeah, your mate actually had a pint with him and he’s alright and not like he seems in the papers – That time you saw Noel Edmonds in a Greggs, yeah your mate saw Schofield choke on some garlic bread in a pizza express
14 This guy
15 Whacky t-shirt guy
Your t-shirt isn't funny and neither are you
16 The person you meet at a party who thinks you’re a networking opportunity
'Oh you have a job? I also have a job. Can I do job talk at you for the next 4 hours please?'
17 Your friend who has just launched a start up
Yes we get it, no I don't want to come to your events, stop posting motivational posters
18 People who use charity as a way to fund their travels
Yes I'd love to fund your trip up Mount Kilimanjaro
19 The guy who thinks you have to follow his orders just because he’s got a high-visibility jacket
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