11 Platitudes To Get Through Any Conversation About Greece
Have pall-bearers carry you into the dinner party in a coffin made of Euros and feta, draped in a Greek flag, then jump out and announced you have made a ‘Grentrance.’
Solemnly shake your head at Greece’s €320bn of debt, then conclude that this crisis could simply be solved by “Giving Greece footballer’s wages.” This doesn’t make any viable economic sense, but it sounds like it might.
"What's Kendrick Lamar's favourite anti-austerity drink? Syrizup!” (Sizzurp is slang for Purple Drank (an illegal drink (that Kendrick Lamar likes (and Syriza is the name of the currenty party in power in Greece))))
“Comedy or tragedy? Either way, it's a Greek drama!" Then say 'drama' and 'drachma' alternately until everyone laughs
5. Uninformed quip:
“I wish I could vote ‘no’ on repaying my mortgage! And Kev back for that round last week! And my donor back for their kidney! This is the same!"
6. Illogical yuppy statement:
“Forget Bethnal Green, we should all buy property in Greece, bet it’s cheap there at the moment! Haha! We could buy the whole country! Haha! No but seriously now, let's literally buy Greece and turn it into a massive sandwich shop.”
7. Unhelpful and massively flawed 'comedy' advice:
“Need a job? Try Greece, there’s loads going at the moment! Especially in the sandwich shop.”
8. Opinion which requires no political knowledge beyond knowing that Yanis Varoufakis is bald:
“Varoufakis looks like Voldrmort, from the Harry Potter movies. And Bruce Willis, if Bruce Willis was playing Voldemort, from the Harry Potter movies. And a sort of Ross Kemp-Lite. Harry Hill without glasses? Gianfranco Zola without hair? Help me out here guys…”
9. Play on the fact that “Haircut” refers to a reduction in the value of borrower's debts:
“Greece don’t seem like they need a haircut to me!” When pressed for an explanation, pull out a picture of Varoufakis, who is bald.
10. Parrot Thomas Piketty’s opinion verbatim:
“After the war ended in 1945, Germany’s debt amounted to over 200% of its GDP. Ten years later, little of that remained: public debt was less than 20% of GDP. Around the same time, France managed a similarly artful turnaround. We never would have managed this unbelievably fast reduction in debt through the fiscal discipline that we today recommend to Greece. Instead, both of our states employed the second method with the three components that I mentioned, including debt relief. Think about the London Debt Agreement of 1953, where 60% of German foreign debt was cancelled and its internal debts were restructured.” Then pull out a fat cigar and proceed to puff the smoke in your fellow guests’ faces.
11. Change the topic and hope nobody notices:
“That Ariana Grande, eh? What a right donut!” Then proceed to lick a Yorkshire Pudding and vow to assassinate the Queen.
Female Double Acts That Give Us Life
Anne Hathaway and Rebel Wilson are taking to the big screen in ‘The Hustle’ as con artists Josephine and Penny who team up to take down the men who have wronged them....
The Ultimate Bucket List For London Movie Buffs
Fun and quirky ways to celebrate the silver screen.
Seth Rogen’s Funniest Film Moments
"I'm going to try to conduct myself in such a way that does not risk global humiliation."
5 Times Charlize Theron Proved She's A Badass
"Am I being too bossy?"
The Best Comedy Shows And Gigs Around The World 2019
Friends: The Parody Musical, Underbelly and Fleabag live!
Kendal Calling Festival's Comedy Line Up Revealed
Josh Widdicombe, Reginald D.Hunter & tons more.
FriendsFest Is Back!
The summer's biggest TV event is back!
The 2019 Oscar Nominations Are Finally Here And WOAH
There are some real surprises.
50 Super Weird, Crazy Fun Things To Do In London
Come sniff Amy Winehouse's poo. We dare you.
Amazing Shows, Gigs And Plays You Can't Miss In 2019
From comedy to cabaret, fill up your calendar...
The One With Russ' Turns 23 Today And It's Still Weird AF
Almost a quarter of a century later, we still don't get it.
23 Years Later, Friends' Russ VS. 'Snaro' Mystery Is Solved
THIS IS BRAND NEW INFORMATION!
25 Weird And Wonderful Things To Do This Christmas In London
'Tis the season to be (very, very) jolly...
The Comedy Lovers Christmas Gift Guide 2018
Get some LOLs in your life this Crimbo.
The Impractical Jokers Spill The Beans On Season 7 Christmas Finale
"Who knows, Santa may show up or may not, we'll see!"
New Look Just Released A Range Of Friends Christmas T-Shirts
Here's to a lousy Christmas, and a crappy new year!
2-4-1 Cinema Tickets To See Some Christmas Classics
Home Alone, The Muppet Christmas Carol, Elf, Bad Santa and more at the BFI!
Dude! Stoner Saturdays Are Coming to the BFI
Under 25? You can get in for just £3
RuPaul Hints Trixie Mattel SHOULDN'T Have Won All Stars Amid Elimination Changes
"I didn't count on the other girls who came back being so vindictive [to Shangela]!"
The First Toy Story 4 Trailer Reveals A Dangerous New Character
"Somebody get him before he pokes an eye out!"