The Maddest Advert Of 2014 Raises 7 Burning Questions (At Least)
1 Why is this man looking to part ways with his hard-won collection of Kate Garraway photographs?
Has poor Kate Garraway done something to displease him?
Has he decided that 10 years of taking photographs of Kate Garraway whenever she appears on his TV is probably enough, and that if he does it for any longer, it may start to seem creepy?
Or is he simply cashing in his prized nest-egg, then sailing off into the sunset to enjoy his retirement?
We may never know.
2 Sooo... Why HAS he been photographing Kate Garraway, on his television screen, for 10 years?
He’s got an email address, so he has access to the internet, which is awash with thousands of Kate Garraway pics, if that’s what you're after.
Let's do a quick search for some now, shall we?
Here's one, look:
Here's one where she's got chocolate all over herself:
And here's an animated GIF of Kate Garraway, with added Ben Shephard (bonus):
And there we have it. No televisions, cameras, or increasingly embarassing trips to Snappy Snaps required.
3 What WAS originally written (but then Tipp-Exed over) under the words "from my television"?
Was it perhaps “from a tree, using a long-range telephoto lens”?
Or maybe “with trembling hands and eyes full of tears”?
Or perhaps “from out of her bins, while she was away on holiday”?
4 Is the "about 734 photos in all" bit an attempt to make the whole enterprise seem super-casual/no big deal?
Come on now, it’s exactly 734 photos, isn’t it. There’s no ‘about’ about it. And we’d be willing to bet they’re all catalogued, cross-referenced and stored in a well-maintained set of folders.
5 How and why has Deborah Meaden superseded Kate Garraway in our man's affections?
We’re guessing D-Mead’s raunch-packed appearances on the 2013 series of Strictly may have had something to do with it.
Kate Garraway, meanwhile, has turned to presenting the mid-morning show on Smooth Radio – the problem being, of course, that you can’t take photographs of a radio programme. Ya blew it, Kate!
(Of course, for the whole Garraway-for-Meaden pic-swap to work, our man is banking on there being somebody out there who USED to be into Deborah Meaden, and has collated several hundred photos of her, but is NOW into Kate Garraway, and is keen to collate several hundred photos of her. You never know though, eh.)
6 How would the Garraway/Meaden photograph-exchange work, exactly?
Do the Deborah Meaden photographs ALSO have to have been taken via the 'pointing a camera at a television' method?
How many would be sufficient? 500? And how many would be too many? 20,000?
Would he be willing to consider 463 felt-tip drawings of Lorraine Kelly instead?
The ball's in his court.
7 And finally, and perhaps most pertinently: WTF?
Truly, it's a riddlesome mystery for the ages.
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