RealDoll: For $5000, you can purchase this Valley of the Dolls-esque sex robot. When hooked up to a computer, a program allows you to have full-on conversations with it. Other features include: gyrating hips, blinking eyes, and a merciless lust for death.
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Electric Eel Digital Condom: Is this made of cotton? It looks like it's made of cotton. In any case, it's supposed to magnify sensations for both parties. Presumably because sex feels better when it's dangerous, and this is a fucking death trap.
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TwerkingButt: Pretty much what it says on the tin, this $1000 robot bum will shake harder than a washing machine in the arctic. It features different speeds, as well as heat settings. Hot in only one sense of the word.
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Crescendo: A shape shifting sex toy. Imagine if that metallic villain from Terminator 2 was a sex offender, and you've pretty much got the idea.
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VR Tenga: A virtual reality contraption that will destroy all you think is real. Stick on an Oculus Rift, surrender your member to the robot gods, and pray that they have mercy upon your soul.
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The Gaga: A dildo with a GoPro at the end, basically. We know that amateur porn has become crazy popular, but that doesn't mean we should branch out into amateur gynaecology.
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Hello Touch: Little vibrating pads which cling to your fingers. You can't even be trusted with anything, can you?
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Autoblow 2: We've done our research - there is no record of an Autoblow 1, which leads us to think that it was a botched experiment that should never be mentioned again. Plug it into the wall, slip inside and sob quietly as it takes you to pleasure town.
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